Thursday 19 November 2015
7 Ways Happy Couples Deal with Disagreements Differently
Talk to any set of grandparents (or great-grandparents) whose relationship has withstood the tests of time, and they will tell you that the best relationships are not just about the good times you share, they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, the disagreements you compromise on, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end. And loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s about showing it every day through actions and behaviors, even when you and your partner aren’t seeing things eye to eye.
1. They both take responsibility.
When you deny responsibility in every relationship disagreement, all you’re really doing is blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, “The problem is never me, it’s always you.” This denial of responsibility just escalates the argument, because there’s a complete breakdown of communication.
So take responsibility for your actions. Take responsibility for your relationship – the good times and the bad. Work with your partner. Communicate. Blaming them is a copout that accomplishes nothing. Either you both take equal ownership of the problems you two encounter together, or the problems will own both of you.
2. They are committed to dealing with disagreements, positively. Often it can be easiest to run from a disagreement, especially if you’re not a confrontational person by nature. But remember, this isn’t about you or whether or not you feel like dealing with your differences. It’s about what your relationship needs in order to grow and thrive in the long run; so put these needs ahead of your own. Both partners must be committed to dealing with their disagreements, because running from them will only make matters more difficult to deal with down the road.
3. They attack their disagreements, not each other.
Disagreements are fine, and arguments are too. These are natural, focused reactions to a person’s decisions or behavior. But when disagreements and arguments snowball into global attacks on the other person, and not on their decisions or behavior, this spells trouble. For example: “They didn’t call me when they said they would because they forgot, but because they’re a horrible, wretched, evil person.”
Even when it’s hard to think clearly in the heat of the moment, you have to take a deep breath and remember that your partner is on your team. Always support one another, even when you don’t see eye to eye. Don’t take your stress out on the each other.
4. They practice intentional communication.
Your partner is not a mind reader. Share your thoughts openly. Give them the information they need rather than expecting them to know it all. The more that remains unspoken, the greater the risk for problems. Start communicating clearly. Don’t try to read their mind, and don’t make them try to read yours. Most problems, big and small, within a relationship start with broken communication.
Also, don’t listen so you can reply – listen to understand. Open your ears and mind to your partner’s concerns and opinions without judgment. Look at things from your partner’s perspective as well as your own. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Even if you don’t understand exactly where they’re coming from, you can still respect them.
5. They let each other save face.
My grandmother once told me, “When somebody backs themselves into a corner, look the other way until they get themselves out; and then act as though it never happened.” Allowing your partner to save face in this way, and not reminding them of what they already know is not their most intelligent behavior, is an act of great kindness. This is possible when you realize that your partner behaves in such ways because they are in a place of momentary suffering. They react to their own thoughts and feelings and their behavior often has nothing directly to do with you.
6. They are willing to make sacrifices for each other.
The happiest intimate bonds are tied with true love, and true love involves attention, awareness, discipline, effort and being able to care about someone and sacrifice for them, continuously, in countless petty, little, unsexy ways every day. You put your arms around them and love them regardless, even when they’re not seeing things your way. And of course they do the same for you.
7. They expect to disagree with each other on some things, and they’re OK with it.
Again, differences of opinion (even major ones) don’t destroy relationships – it’s how a couple deals with their inevitable differences that counts.
Some couples waste years trying to change each other’s mind, but this can’t always be done, because many of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of opinion, personality or values. By fighting over these deep-seated differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and running their relationship into the ground.
So how do healthy, happy couples deal with disagreements that can’t be resolved?
They accept one another as is.
Written by
How Battling Depression Led Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson to stardom
At 23, Johnson found himself living in his parent's small apartment after failing to make it into the NFL and being cut from the Canadian Football League. His aspirations of being a professional football athlete were crushed, leading to a battle with depression.
Now twenty years later at age 43, the star has put a positive spin on his dark days.
"I found that with depression one of the most important things you could realize is that you're not alone. You're not the first to go through it," the wrestler turned actor revealed in his latest interview.
"I wish I had someone at that time who could just pull me aside and [say], 'Hey, it's going to be okay.'"
Johnson remembered receiving a call from the head coach of the team that let him go about a month and a half later. He was asked to return to the Calgary Stampeders but it was then that he made a career-defining moment.
"I hung up the phone, and my dad said, 'You're going to do it, right?'" Johnson recalled. "I said, 'No I don't think so. I think I'm done with that. My gut tells me I'm done.'"
He then decided to follow in father Rocky's footsteps and go into the family business of professional wrestling.
"He said, 'You are throwing it all away. It is the worst mistake you will ever make,'" Dwayne said of his father's initial hesitation. "I said, 'Maybe I'll be no good, but I feel like, in my heart, I have to do this.'" After retiring in 1991, Rocky began training his son, who eventually found massive stardom in professional wrestling as "The Rock."
The rest is history! Johnson was named 2015's Top-Earning Movie Star by Forbes of the year.
Culled from www.people.com/
HOW TO MAKA AFANG SOUP
Origin: Calabar Nigeria (Akwa-Ibom)
This is a traditional Nigerian stew made from the leaves of the forest plant Cnetum africanum , known as afang , ukazi or okazi .
Ingredients:
500g meat (any combination of stewing meat, oxtail, tripe and/or bush meat [game])
1 hot chilli pepper, chopped
several periwinkles or any kind of edible sea snail (substitute shellfish if not available)
2 onions chopped
2 pieces of dried fish (stockfish) soaked in water and with skin and bones removed ? (for preparing your own, see the recipe on how to prepare salt fish/stockfish)
1.2kg afang leaves, cleaned de-stemmed, torn and pounded in a pestle and mortar (outside Africa substitute any strong-tasting greens)
450g waterleaf Talinum triangulare (or spinach)
200g dried prawns, crushed
400ml palm oil
water or stock
Method:
Add some 500ml of water to a large casserole pot and bring almost to a boil. Add the meat and cook for a few minutes on high heat before adding the onion and chili. Reduce the heat, cover the pot and allow to simmer.
While the meat is cooking bring some 600ml of lightly-salted water to boil in a separated pan. Add the periwinkles, cover and cook for some 3 minutes before removing the snails and setting aside. At this stage use a toothpick to remove the meat from the shells. Cut off the inedible 'foot' and rinse the meat under cold water. Sprinkle with the lemon or lime juice and add to the casserole along with the dried fish. Cover and simmer for some seven minutes.
Add the greens to the casserole along with the dried prawns. Top-up the water if needed before adding the palm oil. Season, cover and cook for some 35 minutes, until the greens and meat are completely tender.
Serve with FuFu or boiled and mashed yams.
culled from www.food.com
10 THINGS YOUR WIFE NEEDS FROM YOU
Today I wanted to share with you a few things your wife needs from you.
These are things your wife needs from her better half… the man by her side…her sugar daddy…. her arm candy….her sweetheart… yes, these are things she needs from YOU.
1. SUPPORT: When you put that ring on her finger, you immediately became a team. Your goals, dreams and wishes all of the sudden become BOTH of your goals, dreams and wishes. Support her and give her strength. Let her know you are proud of her and believe in her. This also means to help her achieve her goals. Be there for her when she has a hard day. Be that shoulder to cry on and those wings to make her fly.
2. COMPLIMENTS: Even if you think she already knows that she is pretty – TELL HER. Even if you think she already knows that she looks amazing in her new outfit – TELL HER. Even if she doesn’t have time to get ready and looks like a hot mess when you get home from work – TELL HER she still looks amazing to you. Women LOVE, no not just love, they NEED to hear things like this. We are always comparing our bodies, hair, nails and clothes with other women around us. It is always nice to hear from the man of our dreams how good we look! As her husband, you have the opportunity to make her confidence boost 100%.
3. RECOGNITION: Every woman likes to hear that you recognize everything she has done. Say thank you when she cleans the house or puts your clothes away. Tell her what a great job she did at work or what a fun mom she is for your children. Let her know that you notice all of the little {and big} things that she does.
4. A LISTENER: Bad days will come – so let me tell you a little secret about ladies. Sometimes they just want to TALK! They just want to tell you all about their day and the drama and the crazy things that happened. Sit there and listen. Let them vent. Often times my husband will come home and I will talk for 30 minutes and then I stop and say, “So. How are you?” and he looks at me and smiles. That is when I realize that I talked WAY too much. But listen. And don’t only listen with your ears – listen with your whole body. Show her you are interested in what she is saying by not being on your phone or watching a basketball game.
5. TO BE A PRIORITY: We completely understand that you are human and you are a man with a LOT on your plate. But we also like to be on the top of your list of “importance.” Things will come up, work meetings will happen, games will be on – and that is TOTALLY fine, but make sure she knows that nothing is more important than her.
6. COMMUNICATION: You know how I said that often times ladies just like to talk?! We also like when you talk back. Ask your wife questions and what her opinion on things are. And when she asks you questions and asks for your opinion, be open and have a discussion.Communication is key to a successful marriage.
7. A HOT DATE: Your relationship with your spouse probably began as friends and then she probably became your girlfriend and then she became your fiance and now she is your wife – correct? {Or in my case, you began as enemies and then became friends… but that is another story.} At any rate – throughout the process of building your relationship to marriage, DATING probably played a big part in your lives. Well men, once you tie the knot,dating doesn't end.Your wife would LOVE for you to take her out to a nice dinner. She would LOVE for you to take her to a fun activity.
8. A BEST FRIEND: We ALL want a best friend – men and women! That person you can tell EVERYTHING to. That person you can laugh until you cry with. That person you can call just to say hi. That person you can rely on. That person that will always make you feel better. So BE that for her.
9. AN EXAMPLE: You always want to marry someone that brings out the very best in you. A person that makes you become better, stronger and happier. Believe it or not, us women look up to YOU – the men of our households. We notice the way you live, the way you treat our children, the way you work hard, the way you pray, the way you spend your free time {if you ever have any!}. Always do what is right and help lead your family on the right path to happiness in this life.
10. LOVE: Last, but probably the most important thing your wife needs from you is LOVE. She needs to hear it. She needs to see it. She needs to feel it. Just saying the words "I LOVE YOU" is so important and taking it a step further by SHOWING it is even better.
Danielle Davies is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day.she can be reached through www.todaysthebestday.com
Change yourself first
This happens to be one of the most valuable life lessons, i.e. Take care of yourself first, before you try to help others. William Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true.” Your greatest responsibility is towards yourself first. Once that is taken care of, you can start caring for others. As it’s said ‘If you want to lift somebody up, you have be on higher ground first’. But unfortunately, many people think that this viewpoint is of self-interest and narcissistic. They think that they have to sacrifice themselves for others. If that would have been true then why do you think Jesus Christ say, “Love you neighbor as you love yourself”. Underline the word ‘as’. If you don’t love yourself, you just cannot love others. Period.
Ask yourself this question. If you were 10 times wiser, 10 times healthier and 10 times richer, do you think you would be more valuable to your family, friends and society? Of course, yes! You can only do more, if you be more. You cannot feed the hungry if you yourself are hungry. That’s the way life works. Don’t go looking to correct others when you yourself are faulty. In Matthew 7,5 Jesus Christ mentions, “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye”. And how does one take care of himself first? Through personal-development. You have to increase your knowledge, read the books, apply the knowledge in your life and finally, teach others. That’s how you increase your value to the society.
So the next time you see an airline crew, remember this valuable life lesson – Take care of yourself first, and then others.
Written by John Bino
John Bino is an entrepreneur and success coach specializing in helping fellow entrepreneurs and the community at large to realize their true potential. His mission is to help people become more valuable to their family and the marketplace.
179 Years old Man cries out “Death Has Forgotten Me”
A retired cobbler from northern India, Mahashta Mûrasi, claims he was
born in January 1835, making him not only the oldest man on earth, but
the oldest to have ever lived, according to the Guiness World Records.
According to indian officials, the man was born at home in the city of Bangalore on January 6th 1835, and is recorded to have lived in Vârânasî since 1903. He worked as a cobbler in the city until 1957, when he retired at the already venerable age of 122.
“I have been alive so long, that my great grand-children have been dead for years” explains Mr Mûrasi. “Somehow death forgot about me… And now there’s hardly any hope left. Look at the statistics, nobody dies past 150, even less at 170. At that point, I guess I’m immortal or something. I might as well enjoy it!”
The man’s birth certificate and identity cards all seem to confirm his version, but unfortunately no medical examination can confirm his saying for now. The last doctor Mister Mûrasi visited died in 1971, so there is little information available about his previous medical files.
culled from the internet
According to indian officials, the man was born at home in the city of Bangalore on January 6th 1835, and is recorded to have lived in Vârânasî since 1903. He worked as a cobbler in the city until 1957, when he retired at the already venerable age of 122.
“I have been alive so long, that my great grand-children have been dead for years” explains Mr Mûrasi. “Somehow death forgot about me… And now there’s hardly any hope left. Look at the statistics, nobody dies past 150, even less at 170. At that point, I guess I’m immortal or something. I might as well enjoy it!”
The man’s birth certificate and identity cards all seem to confirm his version, but unfortunately no medical examination can confirm his saying for now. The last doctor Mister Mûrasi visited died in 1971, so there is little information available about his previous medical files.
culled from the internet
7 key ways to stay in love with your husband
We spend so much time fantasizing about falling in love that we forget to pay attention to what it takes to stay in love. How can you stay in love and help your marriage go the distance?
Here are 7 key ways to stay in love with your husband:
1. Tell him what you need and how best to give it to you
You can't expect him to just "get you" the way your close girlfriends do. Don't set him up for failure by making him guess what you need. Men and women are often mysteries to each other. Give him a clue.
2. Understand your own needs for intimacy
Share who you are with each other. While women and men both want intimacy, women generally like to communicate verbally to feel both heard and understood before they're ready for sex. Men typically need to be touched and have s*x first to feel close. Understand and appreciate the differences.
3. Work through conflicts and then forgive and forget
Keep talking, even when it's tough, and you don't want to. Robert Fulghum said, "Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it." Don't keep secrets from each other. Trust is the basis of a good marriage.
4. Don't put other people ahead of your husband
Don't put your mom, your friends, or even your kids before your husband. Put each other first, and spend quality time together just enjoying each other.
5. Show up every day
Loving one person both long and well is very hard to do. Life is messy. If your life isn't messy now, it will be at some point.Take one day at a time and just hold on. Don't get off the marital roller coaster in an effort to avoid natural ups and downs. Keep showing up in your marriage, every day. And never, ever look elsewhere for the support you need from your husband.
6. Learn to laugh at yourself and with each other
Don't take yourself too seriously. People who are secure with who they are can laugh at themselves and with others. There's nothing like a good laugh to ease the tension and break down emotional walls.
7. Love him for who he is and hope that he is doing the same for you
Marry who you want in the first place, and then don't try to change him after you're married. It's very demoralizing to feel like you're just not enough for your wife. There's great power in unconditional love.
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is the hard part. Love that lasts takes time and commitment. Believe that there is such a thing as love that lasts forever.
Written by Pastor Bisi Adewale
DONT MARRY A BABY
This is to specially invite you to November Edition of the Breakthrough for Singles & Married tagged DON'T MARRY A BABY.
Join us @ Eden Comfort place, Alade Avenue, Awolowo Road, Ikeja, Lagos.
Time: 2:00pm
Ministering: Pastor Bisi & Yomi Adewale
Info: 08051512823, BB Channel: C0039CD28
Twitter@parliamentforum &@bisiadewale
Twitter@parliamentforum &@bisiadewale
‘To Forgive The Terrorists Is divine, But To Send Them To God is my Duty’ – PUTIN
He looks a bit like a villain in a super hero film but as a President makes me scared.
He seems to be the one world leader unfazed, undamned and super ready to turn these ISIS cowards to .
Putin said “To forgive the terrorists is up to God, BUT to send them to him is up to me.”
He once also said, “American techs can spot water in Mars, but, can’t detect ISIS trucks”
Who talks like that? PUTIN DOES!
Buhari seeks Senate approval to borrow N2.10 trn
President Muhammadu Buhari,the president of Nigeria has sent a supplementary appropriation bill for the 2015 fiscal year to the Nigerian Senate for approval.
The president, in a letter conveying his request, which was read Wednesday, during plenary, by the Senate President, Bukola Saraki, asked the Senate to grant his request to borrow the sum of N2.10 trillion to finance the budget.
He explained that the N882 billion loan earlier proposed by the past government to finance the budget had to be raised to N2.10 trillion, due to emerging realities in the country.
The source of the loan, according to the president, would be from both local and foreign.
The president, in a letter conveying his request, which was read Wednesday, during plenary, by the Senate President, Bukola Saraki, asked the Senate to grant his request to borrow the sum of N2.10 trillion to finance the budget.
He explained that the N882 billion loan earlier proposed by the past government to finance the budget had to be raised to N2.10 trillion, due to emerging realities in the country.
The source of the loan, according to the president, would be from both local and foreign.
Arsenal lead Barcelona in striker race
Arsenal are closing in on the signing of Nolito from Celta Vigo, according to AS Diario, moving into pole position ahead of Barcelona, who were thought to be keen on signing the 29-year-old.
The report suggests that the Gunners are ready to activate a release clause in the Celta forward's contract, moving ahead of Barcelona in the race as Luis Enrique does not have the funds available to him.
Adding to Arsene Wenger's willingness to activate the release clause, Mundo Deportivo also report that Arsenal are prepared to triple Nolito's wages in their bid to convince the Spaniard to swap La Liga for the Premier League.
The report suggests that the Gunners are ready to activate a release clause in the Celta forward's contract, moving ahead of Barcelona in the race as Luis Enrique does not have the funds available to him.
Adding to Arsene Wenger's willingness to activate the release clause, Mundo Deportivo also report that Arsenal are prepared to triple Nolito's wages in their bid to convince the Spaniard to swap La Liga for the Premier League.
Zidane names Real Madrid's "missing link"
Zinedine Zidane believes Tony Kroos was exactly what Real Madrid needed when he arrived from Bayern Munich in July 2014.
Zidane feels the versatile midfielder, who has since developed into a key player at the Santiago Bernabeu, was the missing link at the club and hopes he will stay at Madrid for a long time.
"We signed Toni because we want him to mark an era. We absolutely love him," the former France star told Sport Bild.
"Toni is the type of player we were missing before, the missing link. He is perfect for Madrid.
"He played for Bayern for quite some time and we hope that he will stay at Madrid even longer.
"Madrid's style has changed since he has joined. We knew that he was used to German football and that the Spanish game is something else. The beauty of the game is important in Spain as well, in particular at Madrid.
"But he has adapted right away. You can hardly see that Toni is a German any more."
Federal Government of Nigeria bans importation of generating sets
The Controller, Federation Operations Unit Zone A, Lagos of the Nigeria Customs Service (NCS), Madugu Sanni Jubrin, who disclosed this, yesterday, said, “the smaller generators have been banned by the Federal Government because it is causing air pollution and destruction of our lungs and breathing system.
“That is why they have banned it but people are still interested in smuggling them in, that is why we intercepted them. If you go to the market, you still see them because people have imported them before the ban. So it is the leftover they had before the ban that they are selling because the law did not backdate the ban and it is not an absolute prohibition. It is prohibition by trade which means you cannot bring it in large quantity and sell to the public. That is the type of prohibition we have on this but if you buy one piece, Customs will not seize it”.
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