5 Lies American Culture Feeds Us Every Day

                          

Finding out you’ve been deceived stinks, but the moment the lie is exposed is important. Why? It is the moment the truth is brought to light. And the truth is what we are seeking. No one wants to live under a cloud of lies. No one wants to operate under a constant barrage of deceptions and false declarations. We want the truth.

We are meant to know the truth. Especially if you are a follower of Jesus. It might not be easy. It might force us to change our perspective or some of the ways we live. It might not always be what we want, but it’s what we need.

Our culture feeds us plenty of lies. And many of us have accepted them for years. The Church has even been shaped by these lies. And it’s time to expose them.

So, here are a few of the lies American culture feeds us every day:

1. You Can Be Anything You Want to Be.

I remember growing up watching Michael Jordan. Everyone wanted to “be like Mike.” And why not? Who doesn’t want to dunk from the free throw line? Gatorade created a genius tagline. But they also created an enormous lie.

You can’t be anything you want to be. But this is a good thing. It frees you up to be the man or woman God has called you to be.

Americans believe this lie because it speaks to the core of American ideals. America does afford people opportunities that other countries do not. That is something to be thankful for. But this value creates the lie many believe every day. We tell people that if they work harder and never give up, they can be anything they want to be.

Most of us realize this is false by the time we reach adulthood. There are many things we could work hard to achieve and never actually achieve.

The truth is every person has a unique set of talents and abilities.

You can’t be anything you want to be. But this is a good thing. It frees you up to be the man or woman God has called you to be.

2. Your Actions Have No Bearing on Anybody Else.

No man is an island. Sin has consequences that reach beyond the individual into the community of people around you.

To the guy or girl who believes lusting or a pornography addiction has no bearing on any other person, you have believed a lie. True, you might not be in a relationship now, but eventually you might, and your actions in the present will carry into that future relationship. To the guy or girl who thinks jealousy and bitterness are not hurting anyone else, you have been deceived. These will break down your relationships.

Your actions are affecting others. Maybe not in the moment. Maybe not tomorrow. But eventually it will happen.

3. There is Only One Road You Can Take.

God has a plan for your life. But this idea that there is only one road in life is false. It is no where in Scripture. It is everywhere in culture.

I have witnessed this too many times. A college graduate is torn between two choices. They worry, make pros and cons lists, maybe they ask God for clarity. And inherent in this response is the notion that God only has one set road for your life and whether you choose the right one is directly dependent on your ability to seek Him.

If this is true, then I am terrible at seeking the Lord. There have been many times in my life when I was presented with multiple options. And all of them appeared viable. So I prayed to God for clarity. Cue the Jeopardy music. I waited. And waited. And waited. No sign. No clarity. Well, what now? Was I not praying hard enough? Did I choose the wrong road?

Absolutely not.

God’s plan for our lives is not always linear. This is a Western mindset, not a Biblical one. God’s direction can include branches and offsets. The path to the final destination can be achieved more than one way.

God’s design for your life is for you to seek Him with all of your heart. When you get to a fork in the road, pray about it and then just choose a road. Stop wasting months. Stop waiting on “clarity.” Stop agonizing over whether you chose the “right” road. Just choose a road. If you are seeking the Lord, there is no wrong road.

4. Individualism is a Noble Pursuit.

Richard Koch said,“If there is one defining quality of the West, it is individualism.” It’s sad, but true. Individualism makes the claim you and I should not be dependent on any other person. You take care of you.

Often, the Western Church is not much different. It is almost frowned upon to be dependent upon something or someone other than yourself. We might not directly say it, but we sometimes believe it: “Who cares if Jesus said stuff about losing your life? Who cares about all of that radical sacrifice stuff? God gave you a brain, He expects you to use it.”

Translation: God thinks logically. He would never expect you to make a decision that flies in the face of self-reliance. Don’t sell your house. Don’t give your savings to feed the hungry. Don’t move into the inner city. It is dangerous there.

Tragically, Christianity in America often confuses faith in God with just faith in self with some Godly values attached. Dependence on self and faith in God are mutually exclusive. Choose a side. But don’t choose both. To choose both is to choose neither.

5. If You are not Busy, You are Lazy.

American culture is filled with exhausted men and women. Depression is at an astronomically high rate. So is anxiety. Why? At least in part because we have a culture that says if every hour is not filled with something, you are lazy or unproductive.

This rubs hard against the ways and rhythms of Jesus. To Jesus, Sabbath and retreating were as integral to His mission as engaging, healing and teaching.

If we learn anything from Jesus, we learn this: Productivity is not achieved without a constant rhythm of engage and retreat. This culture doesn’t need busier people. This culture needs more productive people. It needs more people who follow the way of Jesus.

Retreating is not an insignificant activity. It might just be the most productive part of our week.

Written by Frank Powell 

He is a writer, speaker and pastor. He is passionate about showing the world a better picture of God. He loves coffee, books, sports and family.

5 Masks We Wear and Why We Should Take Them Off

Imagine, for just a moment, a world where no one cared what car you drove, what designer handbag you carried, or what job you worked at.

Can you sense the freedom?

But this isn’t reality, because we do care.  And because we care we’ve developed habitual masks to please and impress others.

We all wear masks.

 There’s a good chance, too, you change your masks so habitually you don’t even notice doing it. Maybe you’ve done it your entire life.

 What mask do you wear?

How do you feel about the face you’re portraying for the world to see? Are you truly yourself? Do you feel that you can be you, no matter what social situation you’re in?

In your mind, gather up everyone you know and put them in a room, friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances. Everyone is surely cautiously mingling with their masks perfectly placed. But then, imagine a strong wind gust sweeps through the party, blowing all masks off. It’s mayhem, faces are exposed, for maybe the first time, wrinkles and all.

Now imagine that instead of using this vulnerability against one another you patted each other on the back, encouraged uniqueness and supported one another.

Why are we so afraid to be authentic?

Even when our masks irritate our skin, and we can’t relax or be ourselves, we still resist change.

This epic performance is a huge drain on our minds, bodies and souls. It’s a hard act to constantly pretend to be, or feel like you need to be, someone else. Similarly, it’s very draining to regularly act like you feel one way when you really feel another.

Becoming authentic is a process to begin knowing ourselves. To understand our own personality traits, behaviors, values, beliefs, needs, goals and motives. It’s having the courage to acknowledge our limitations, and embrace our own vulnerability.

Make a list of words that describe the person you want to be. Look deep inside and concentrate on who you are, not what you do. Are you passionate, nerdy, curious, loving?

You’ll know when you’ve discovered authenticity because your thoughts, beliefs and actions will originate deep from within and they’ll be resistant to external pressures. The result of this authenticity is a genuine, quiet, vitalizing fulfillment and confidence that resists anxiety, self-doubt and stress.

Wearing a mask protects us from vulnerability. I fear that if I stand tall and exposed, I’ll be “weak” in some way. But when you wear a mask you stand in resistance to your true life and end up attracting realities that conflict with who you really are.

Below are five common masks we wear and keep tucked in our costume drawer.  It’s time to retire them.

The June Cleaver

                            

The “Positive” Persona

Scrolling through Facebook I have the urge to stand and clap wildly. What a performance. Wow. It’s almost flawless.  Almost.

We are all performing, all of the time. We pretend we have it all together, that everything is perfect.  There are many different types of June Cleaver masks. The spiritual June Cleaver, the superficial confident June Cleaver, the overly friendly June Cleaver, and all these masks are usually wrapped in fake smiles. I look at my own profile and feel shameful at the façade I too, am portraying.

I am such a fraud, my life is far from perfect, far from the rosy pictures I’ve posted. Knowing this causes my self-esteem to come shattering around me, because I begin to feel as though my life should be perfect by now, after all everyone else’s is.

Most of us are guilty of this façade and it’s causing many friends and loved ones to feel hopeless, shameful, and sad. I’m sure that’s not the reaction we’d hoped for.

Recently a friend confided that her marriage was struggling. At first I felt the urge to give her advice, a tip from my own perfect marriage. But I didn’t, instead, I let my guard down, displayed a smidgen of vulnerability and confessed that my own marital satisfaction had been declining after the birth of our son.

She commented, “I would have never guessed this, you two seem perfect.”

We shared our struggles and for a brief moment retired our June Cleaver masks.

We later learned many of our other friends had similar issues. No one’s life was perfect, despite what we want everyone to believe.

Show Us You’re Imperfections. I Dare You.

Why can’t we admit that we’re perfectly imperfect? Our imperfections make us human, unique and relatable.

I know you’re not going to believe this, but I am far from perfect. I can be controlling, unfair to my husband and I have wrinkles and bad skin.

Admit it, you too have a few hairs on your chin.

Life is life, it will never be perfect. But exposing your true imperfect self opens you up to a world of deeper, meaningful, and supportive relationships.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger

 

 The Over Contrived “Strength” Persona

I’m amazed at how many people pretend to be strong even when everything is falling apart inside.

Coping with everything life throws is tough.

From the outside, others seem to be holding it all together. Just like you. Just like me.

The Albert Einstein

 

 The “Intellectual” Persona

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” — Kurt Vonnegut

It’s pretty tempting to strut your own stuff. The problem is, it’s obnoxious.

We all want to feel special.  Maybe teachers and parents praised you for being the “smart” kid in school, this praise felt great, and so you want to keep it coming.

Suddenly being “special” and “smart” is very important. This need for validation continues into adulthood.

This leads to what’s known as “the imposter syndrome,” not a diagnosed condition, but a label to describe the self-doubt that many people, especially high achievers experience. It’s the gnawing feeling of knowing deep inside you’re not perfect or superior — because no one is — and this gnawing feeling makes you jumpy, like your always on the verge of being “found out.”

Feeling special, influential, valuable, or better than others can be an encouraging and motivating feeling, who doesn’t want to be Albert Einstein, after all he did develop the theory of relativity. But you can’t avoid failure, and you can avoid disappointment. There will always be a “smarter” Albert Einstein lurking in the shadows, ready to expand on your quantum physics discovery.

When we throw that mask away and no longer put so much emphasis on being “special,” we can taste freedom, we can just be whoever we actually are. We stop draining our energy maintaining this persona. We grow the wisdom to understand that mistakes and failures are a part of the human experience. When you stop searching yourself and everyone around you for the “special” and “superior” qualities, and start appreciating basic humanity, then special qualities naturally arise.

Superiority is only an illusion. It’s not real, we are all special and unique, yet also all strangely the same. Why not listen instead of pretending you know everything. Take space, contemplate, think before you speak and be humble. Give others a chance to talk, dream, and brainstorm.

The Mother Theresa

 

 The “Nice” Persona

Like most people, I want to be liked by everyone. I’m a people pleaser. I want to keep people around at all costs. And that cost, was sacrificing my own happiness to make others happy.

Many of us fear if we put our own needs first, we’ll alienate those around us and end up lonely.

I usually agreed with others, would never dare say no, felt afraid to stand up to people, and was deathly afraid of conflict. I often complained people weren’t treating me right or returning my own kindness, but then I would keep on giving anyway.

I was a door mat.

It’s time to leave this Mother Theresa in doormatville and move on. We all need to appreciate ourselves and what we have to offer.

Learn to say no. Take yourself off of the “yes” autopilot.

The Oscar the Grouch

 

The “Grumpy” Persona

My neighbor is a “grumpy old man.”  He snarls at children running on his grass, grumbles when my mail gets delivered to his house and snaps his blinds shut in the daytime.

What purpose could this mask possibly bring, because we all know that at the core of most people are good person, not someone who is always grumpy and mean.

Being a jerk is an intimidation factor, but unless you’re the tax collector, you’re obviously overcompensating for a lack of confidence.

Perhaps you drive a very large automobile, and take up two parking spots too?

Macho behavior, bullying, and aggression are often attempts to protect the fragile self-esteem.

For whatever reason you’ve been hurt and this mask protects you from being embarrassed, hurt or rejected again. This mask is usually a sign that someone is lonely, scared, and fearful.

But ironically wearing this mask only isolates you more from others.

Stop projecting your own painful elements onto people.

Really you just need a big hug.

What you resist, persists. Wearing this mask is a warning signals that something is unresolved in yourself. Carl Jung said, “If you do not know and own the darker aspects of yourself, you will project your own negative repressed elements on other people.”

Some people are just plain mean. Some people love to put other’s down and grumble

Written by Tina Williamson

Tina is a student of Buddhism, meditation and yoga. She writes about cultivating happiness through mindfulness at her own blog: Barefoot Beginnings. Tina lives near cottage country in Ontario, Canada with her husband and two dogs. Also an animal lover she enjoys photography, travel and nature. But mostly, she’s just a free spirit trying to follow the path. You can also follow her on Twitter @mindful_dawn,