Anger is a symptom of unhappiness. The Buddha noted,
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it
at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Anger can span from
frustration to rage and usually implies an unfulfilled expectation or need.
Anger carries with it a desire for harm or revenge. Suppressed or unexpressed
anger is a great accelerator of aging. As we mentioned earlier it is like
driving down the interstate with one foot slammed down on the gas and the other
foot pushing on the brake. You may be traveling close to the speed limit but
everything is working at cross purposes. Unexpressed anger can be turned inward
and cause physiological problems such as hypertension, sleep disturbance and
heart disease and psychological problems such as passive-aggressive tendencies
(indirectly getting back at others) and depression.
According to legend, two monks were once traveling together
down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling. Coming around the bend, they met a
lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.
"Come on, girl," said the first monk. Lifting her in his arms, he
carried her over the mud. The second monk did not speak again until that night
when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself.
"We monks don't go near females," he said. "It is dangerous. Why
did you do that?" "I left the girl there," the first monk said.
"Are you still carrying her?"
Generally our choices for dealing with anger amount to
expressing the anger or redirecting and re-channeling the energy it has
aroused. If we can honestly express our feelings of anger in a manner that is
both assertive and respectful, then the negative energy can dissipate. Another
approach is to modify the response to an anger-provoking stimulus. Since anger
is a form of emotional reflex we need to recognize our need to turn it into a
deliberate and thoughtful response rather than a destructive reaction. Mark
Twain wrote in Pudd’nhead Wilson, “When angry, count four; when very angry,
swear.” Taking several slow deep breaths and using calming imagery or phrases
can help. The goal is to avoid putting negative emotions into action.
Another antidote to anger is patience. Going back to the
ancient formula that angry frustration is expectations divided by reality, we
can appreciate that most of our emotional problems and negative emotions stem
from our inability to accept things the way they are. In other words, we will
never have all our expectations fully met and we need constructive ways to
address these disappointments. Patience is the ability to fully and openly
accept whatever happens. The legendary U.C.L.A. basketball coach John Wooden
noted that “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way
things turn out.” Most problems are inside our head and cultivating patience
opens the door to understanding and a heart of compassion. As the 8th century
Buddhist scholar Shantideva says in “The Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of
Life” which is sometimes called “Entering the Path of Enlightenment:”
If something can be remedied
Why be unhappy about it?
And if there is no remedy for it,
There is still no point in being unhappy.
This approach does not imply weakness or passive inactivity.
It means that we consciously address what we can remedy rather than reacting
blindly through a rage of uncontrolled emotions.
Written by Mark E. Williams
Mark E. Williams, MD, is currently certified by the American
Board of Internal Medicine in Internal Medicine and Geriatrics. He has an
active clinical practice in Wilmington, NC. He is the author of 5 books and
more than 100 peer-reviewed and Internet articles on various aspects of
geriatric medicine. His latest book is Nail the Diagnosis: What Our Fingernails
reveal About Our Health and Illness
