We likely all deal with some degree of negativity around us,
but some individuals are surrounded by toxic people who are determined to rip
the world into shreds. If you are suffering from having negative people around
you and feel weighed down by the discouragement and depression that can
accompany such circumstances, for the sake of your mental health, you have to
find a way to break free.
Depending on your specific situation, you may simply need to
avoid certain individuals for a period of time or you might need to cut those
people completely out of your circle of influence. Consider these suggestions
and decide what’s right in your situation in order to get your life on track.
1. In a moment of negativity, remove yourself from the bad
situation
If your life-long friends are simply acting up this week,
cutting ties completely may not be your ideal choice of action, but you still
shouldn’t stay in a bad environment. If the group, or even if just a few
individuals, are turning a social situation into something negative that makes
you feel bad, excuse yourself and leave.
If those who are negative happen to be co-workers, you might
not be able to entirely stop communicating with those individuals but you can
still minimize contact. If the break room is a place for acerbic gossip, you
can go elsewhere to sit for a moment. If the conversation at company parties is
never uplifting, perhaps you can skip the evening entirely or just make a quick
hello and then leave early before the negativity is fully underway.
If a family member or loved one is on a negative kick as of
late and it’s taking its toll on you, perhaps you need to create some temporary
space between you two so that you can sort out your thoughts. You may want to
voice that you need some alone time and then withdraw to a safe place where you
can reset.
2. In a moment of clarity, express your need for positivity
in your life
When we’re talking about negative situations that you need
to get out of for the sake of your own mental health, the individuals involved
may not be in a position during the heat of the moment to really hear you out.
After you have left a bad conversation and taken time apart, you may be
inclined to contact the friends or co-workers and voice your concerns. If
someone who you dearly love is part of the problem, be diplomatic but honest
about your need to be around positive people right now who are willing to help
build you up. If the person seems genuine in her interest to keep you in her
life and to make changes on her end so that you can experience a pleasant
atmosphere when together, you may be interested in trying to associate again.
If only one member of a fixed hangout group is supportive of
you, you may want to explain to that individual that you appreciate his
friendship and are happy to interact on a personal basis but you just don’t
feel comfortable being around the whole group anymore. If it works to just
associate with that specific person, great. If he thinks you should keep coming
along to the social events since he’s now aware of your feelings and will be
able to better help steer the group into good territory, you might be willing
to give things another try.
Don’t fall victim, though, to insincere promises that things
are going to magically change. If you decide to interact again with people who
have agreed to stop the negativity but find that the conversation defaults into
the same harshness that you previously tried to escape from, you need to leave
and you need to avoid putting yourself back into that position again. It may be
really hard and you might feel like you’re turning your back on those you love,
but you have to take care of yourself first. If you’ve expressed your need for
a change but the circumstances are still the same, you gave them a chance and
it’s time to move on.
3. Find new friends that are positive and new experiences
that are meaningful
To help you not retreat back to spending time with the
negative people who are tearing you down, you need to create a new circle of
friends that you can rely on. You probably won’t immediately have access to a
big group full of supportive, positive and enjoyable individuals to shoot the
breeze with, but you can be actively on the lookout for new friendships.
Brainstorm a list of acquaintances and old contacts that might
be able to fill the role of a current friend in your life. Maybe you have a
cousin that you used to play with when you were little but have lost touch as
you two have gotten older so call her up to see how she’s doing. Use tools like
Facebook to search for high school classmates and college friends so that you
can send out some friendly messages and try to rekindle the positivity between
you and them. Even if you can’t find anyone who actually lives close enough to
meet up with in person, connecting with friends from the past can still help
you avoid wanting to go back to the toxic relationships you need to currently
escape from.
Be friendlier to the people you naturally come across in the
course of your day. Perhaps you haven’t gotten to know your neighbor yet that
just moved in last month and could consider stopping by sometime with a plate
of homemade cookies. Or, maybe you never talk to anyone at the gym but could
make a point this time around to strike up a conversation. Be open to chatting
with everyone you meet, being friendly to the saleswoman at the mall and the
security officer at work. Even if you don’t become new BFFs, having simple yet
positive exchanges with other people can help lift your spirits.
Sign up for a new class at the local craft store or join the
sports team at your work to get yourself out of the house and meeting new
people. Take a genuine interest in those you come across and be open to new
experiences. If the negative people in your life were long-time friends, it
will likely be hard to quickly develop such strong bonds with new people so be
patient and welcoming for whatever happy interactions you do have.
Even if you can’t find people who you instantly hit it off
with, you can fill your time with meaningful activities that help build you up.
Consider volunteering in the community, helping advise a youngster having
trouble or visiting with the elderly at a local nursing home. You deserve
better than being stuck in toxic relationships with people who don’t care about
you so look to the future and build a better life.
