I received this email from an anonymous individual claiming to be HIV positive and wants to die. I was shocked reading it. I have decided to share it on the platform so you guys can see how to help, please read.
My name is
Shedrack, a Nigerian. I am into events management and decorations.I follow your blog that is the reason why i am sending this to you. I
tested positive to HIV two years ago, and ever since then, it has not
been easy for me, trust me. Life has been particularly hard, coupled
with who I am as a gay man living with HIV in Nigeria, dealing with the
secrets and all, as you have to be very selective about the kind of
people that you discuss HIV issues with, given the stigma associated
with the disease.
When I
tested positive to HIV two years ago, it was a big shock for me. I
couldn’t believe it, even though I have done some pretty nasty things.
And it will surprise you that even at age 21, I never knew that one
could contact HIV through having unprotected anal sex. And this I did
several times with different men, all because I thought I was having
fun. Even when the conversation was brought up at a certain time amongst
my peers, about contacting HIV from unprotected anal sex, I argued
about it, claiming that anal sex was completely safe. Somehow I felt
that gay sex is not sex.
When I
received my confirmation result, I cried for almost an hour like a baby,
literally shaking, feeling like everything was over for me, my whole
life, coupled with how I already hated myself for being gay. I said in
my mind “Me, HIV?” I quickly blamed my sexual orientation, and somehow,
some parts of me still do, especially as it has been said by many that
homosexuality causes HIV and a curse from God for homosexuals, some are
calling it an end time disease for end time evil practices. I get it,
this is Africa and everything is associated to demons and spiritualized.
But my major problem now is that, I seriously hate myself. I feel like I
am a living curse – Like I caused everything that has happened to me.
Nothing seems to be working out anymore. I feel dirty, like the whole
world is turning or has turned against me. I am a homosexual living in
this shit-hole called Nigeria.
I am
currently not on any medication, as I have been going for prayers,
hoping that God will change my situation. I am a born again Christian
now. [At least I think so], seeing as I have said the sinners prayers. I
am seeking for Christ’s mercy. But I feel like I have done so much and
cannot or never be forgiven, especially as I am struggling with changing
my sexual orientation, and hoping on God for a cure. Even though many
has claimed that these things I seek can never be achieved. I feel like I
have reached my peak. Some say I am depressed, while others are saying
that I have too many problems. I can’t discuss my situation with anyone,
as I will be mocked and ridiculed, I tried telling someone once and it
was indeed a very bitter experience. And I do not wish to try again. I
have become withdrawn from the world and I am always very alone and
scared, life makes no sense to me anymore. I want to just… disappear, I
want to go some place peaceful, I am welcoming death, silence, and
calmness. I want to vanish, I want to die, I am tired.
No comments:
Post a Comment