How To Talk To Your Husband to Truly Connect

                               
It’s amazing how complicated communicating with each other can become! Couples, who used to talk for hours at a time with each other before marrying eventually find themselves mis-communicating more than communicating after they’ve been married for a while.
Rather than talking WITH each other, they resort to talking AT each other —spitting out facts rather than connecting in their relationship. Have you found yourself in that place with your husband? If so, join the crowd!
And then when you realize the disconnection going on between you and your husband and you try to dialogue with him —nothing!  Something you say flies right over his head, or it obviously doesn’t hold the same meaning for him as it does for you because of his reaction (or lack there-of).  And then things become even more complicated in your relationship!
Does that mean that men are dense when it comes to communication? No. It may be YOUR communication isn’t always clear to them, but it doesn’t mean ALL communication comes out that way. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t find ways to bridge those misunderstandings. It just demonstrates the need to learn more about each other’s style of communicating and listening in order to better connect in your relationship.
When one man read one of the articles we’re going to refer you to read, he took it as if the author was saying that men were less intelligent and less capable of communicating —which isn’t the point at all! And it’s simply not true. It just means that we speak and perceive things differently from each other. And different isn’t bad or less intelligent —it’s just different!

The same is true in the reverse. Men can talk to us (or not talk to us) and we attach entirely different meanings to what they directly say to us or by their silence.
Why is it that we seem to be on the same “page” sometimes (especially before marriage) and end up on different planets at other times? That’s one of those mysteries in life, which we may want to ask the Lord when we see Him in Heaven.
Part of the reason could be that sometimes we’re able to do things for a “season” but we can’t maintain it over the long haul —we resort back to our original way of doing things eventually. Does that mean that a person can never change? No. We can all grow to a certain extent.
But sometimes it takes intentionality and sometimes we may never grow much beyond a certain point and we need the help of our partner to go the rest of the distance. But together as a team —giving each other grace and space, it’s amazing what can be accomplished. As the Bible says in Ecclestiastes 4;9-10

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend (or spouse) can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”

So, how do we “de-code” this mysterious difference in our communication styles? We discovered a few articles on different web sites that we believe will help. They won’t give you all the answers —only God Himself knows that! But it’s a good start.
Please Note: The first article we will refer you to, appears on the web site for a secular magazine. Although it isn’t written specifically for the Christian audience, it contains good information. As with any human resource, just glean whatever you feel will apply to your situation, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Keep in mind that:

“There could be a very good reason why your husband doesn’t hear what you’re saying. There’s new medical research which reveals why this could be, and what to do about it.”

  Lastly, an important point to consider as you approach your husband is to make sure that you don’t do it during a time when you should H.A.L.T. — which would be a time when either of you is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. There’s more vulnerability to be less tolerant during those times.
 The point is, to ask God to help you to discern when would be the best time to talk with your husband. You may still get a negative reaction from him, but there’s less of a chance of it if you pick a better time to make your approach.

Written by Cindy Wright