Why Are You Getting Married?

                                
You are reading this article because you are either getting married shortly, already married or even hoping to get married. I watched the movie “why did I get married?” and to be honest, it provoked me to evaluating my own reasons for entering marriage. I got married in my early twenties and at the time I thought I was totally in love.  In those days there were no engagement rings. You were just told that his family was coming to see yours. This was enough for you to understand that this was a proposal.  So truth be told, we never really sat down to speak about the marriage. It was just assumed that our relationship was mature enough and we graduated into marriage after dating for five years. So why is this question important? It sets the foundation and tone for your marriage.  

You are getting married because this is what is expected.

You are not so young anymore or maybe you feel that you have met your perfect partner. And you just feel ready for marriage. Or maybe your friends and family have been waiting for that big day. Thing is, after the wonderful wedding, you start a life together with this person. And guess what, it’s for keeps. Haiya. For real. There is no exit clause. This means that what everyone expected of you is no longer relevant.

It is now down to the two of you. A lot of things will change but you have vowed to stick together…. Remember the part of your vows where you say ‘for good times or bad’. Do you have any clue what that means? This is where I ask you to evaluate, are you getting married for people or are you willing to stick by this person till death do you part? The bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:2 “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God”. Maybe you have already taken this vow like I did without much thought. It’s okay. Take the time to examine your heart.

 

For me, this is what was expected as my friends were all getting married at the time and our parents were waiting with bated breath.  I had no clue what marriage was about and how foundations play into the marriage. I brought enough baggage into the marriage to fill a house. He brought baggage too but maybe I brought more…. Not sure. Anyway, the baggage we had made it difficult to maneuver this marriage as everywhere we turned, there was a box of insecurity, a suitcase of bitterness, a sack of low self-esteem and many other forms of baggage. Truth be told, we all walk in with some sort of baggage.  

You believe your spouse will complete you. 

I found out the hard way that no human being can give you a sense of purpose or completeness. This can only come from God. Of course when you are getting married, you genuinely believe in your heart that you will complete each other. If anything the Bible says that the two shall become one. This is true. The only problem is many of us don’t have a good understanding of what God is really talking about here.  At the time the scriptures talk about oneness, the fall had not taken place. Adam and Eve were both living in perfect harmony at the Garden of Eden. In fact, Adam had just laid eyes on Eve and was totally blown away by this beauty. We all know the story. The problem is, after the fall, mankind adopted ungodly qualities that fight that godly oneness. Man is incapable of  manifesting the perfect oneness. Mankind was defiled. Thank God for the arrival of Christ. Through the cross we can now begin a journey back to the perfect love and unity once experienced in Eden. Only when Christ completes a couple, can that couple be complete as God intended and become one. Even here, remember it is a journey. So brethren, please don’t expect your partner to complete you. It is an unfair expectation. You are not able to complete your spouse either as you have flaws. Only a perfect person can complete your imperfections. Now, don’t get me wrong, we do complement each other. Only remember, sometimes the very thing that has attracted us to our spouse is the very thing that will later annoy us. 

You need companionship. 

Companionship is a good reason. None the less one must ask themselves, do I really enjoy your company? Am I a good companion? What with children and all? Who becomes the priority? I say this because many women once they have children are not able to be good companions to their spouses. On the other hand, after a while the men also get bored and also make terrible companions. You may be friends now. How long will your friendship last? Are you willing to be friends even when you have no money and one person is taking care of the family? Are you the kind of companion with a check list of how many things you do in the marriage versus what your spouse does? As you can probably tell by now, companionship is not easy. Sure it is nice to always have a nice warm bed especially with July around the corner but the truth of the matter is companionship is also an investment. Kind of like a savings account. You can only get out what you deposited. The more you save and with the right investment company, the better the returns. Some married people are better companions to their co-workers, extended family members or friends and are lukewarm or cold to their spouses. They then spend time complaining about their spouses.  If you want your spouse to be a good companion, you must work on being a good companion too. 

 

To start a family

You want to get married or are already married and your motivation was and is to start a family. God did tell man to multiply and fill the earth so there is nothing wrong. The only issue is that of late, we are seeing more and more issues of infertility in equal measure between men and women. What does this mean for you? Is this a deal breaker? Are your vows pegged to some fine print that states that without children this marriage is nullified?

It is important to evaluate this beforehand as there is an expectation by society to procreate. While children are definitely a blessing, they don’t come easy to all couples. How far will you be willing to go with fertility treatments? Some couples must engage the services of a surrogate mother to carry the pregnancy as the wife is incapable of carrying a baby due to health issues. Others have a low sperm count and therefore fertilization must take place outside the womb. Others choose to adopt and move on. Whatever the case, you must examine how you feel about this to avoid miscommunication and problems in the event that conception does not take place.  

 

Finally….

There are many reasons for marriage and I cannot write all of them down. One thing I have learnt is that I must work on my relationship with God as that makes me a better spouse. Why? When you spend time with God, you tend to do things His way which by the way goes against everything the world tells you and this means you become a positive influence in your home and are a joy to be around. So if you are planning to get married or are already married, I applaud you and wish you all the best. Put God first and you will be amazed as you see the devil coil in defeat as Jesus hands over victory to you.   I do want to say that though most of us start off with no clue, if you really work on your marriage, this is a very rewarding institution as you grow old together with your beloved. God has blessed my husband and I and through it all, Jesus has seen us through for the past twenty three years. He can do the same for you and even more. 

 

Written by Wanjiru Bachia (Korry) 

Wanjiru Bachia (Korry) is the founder of The Eden Bride
The Eden Bride seeks to help couples getting married and even those already in the marriage institution have a firm foundation so they can grow old together in matrimonial bliss.

She can be reached through korrys@gmail.com