“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I
just watch what they do”
Andrew
Carnegie
Attention Seeking
Human transactions always seem to have an attention factor.
Attention seeking and giving is present in nearly all interpersonal
interactions and is a key factor in human behavior.
Desire for attention begins in infancy and is linked to
feeding, comfort and protection. It usually remains a primitive desire
throughout life and can go beyond mere satisfaction. The focus of attention can
be a person, an item or an idea. The hunger for attention may rise and fall and
may be satisfied by friendly and welcoming attention or by that which is
adverse and unpleasant. The goal is to get attention and not a particular kind
of attention. An individual following an authority figure frequently is either
looking for attention from the authority or others or is expressing a desire to
give attention. A paradoxical change in a person’s opinion or attitude may
reflect a change in their source of attention. When a person deeply craves
attention he or she is extremely vulnerable to being influenced or manipulated
by the source of attention. Raising the emotional pitch is one way to increase
the attention to the attention source and may be a prelude to indoctrination or
exploitation.
It is important for our emotional management and personal
growth to appreciate our own attention seeking. Our motivation for gaining
attention may not be evident to us, hence the need for self-observation. If our
need for attention is generated by such means as apparent generosity, false
modesty, or self deprecation, the result of will be self-deception and less
capacity for other productive inner activity. Too much or too little attention
can be bad for us because of the inefficiency it creates for personal growth. On
the other hand, learning capacity can be increased if we can learn how to
examine our desire for attention and keep it under control. This learning
requires sincerity, humility, effort, discipline and common sense.
“Confrontation is what happens when you are less than honest
and you get caught.”
Barbara Delinsky, Blueprints
On Confrontation
Confrontation, like domination or coercion, is an unnatural
circumstance. It occurs occasionally but
should not be a regular event. If you
experience frequent confrontations you need to take several steps back and view
the situation from a detached prospective on the assumption that you might be
wrong. Carefully examine your attitude,
feelings, thoughts, perspective, motivation and conditioning to see what is
distorting your energy. This is not
necessarily Mia culpa, my own fault. It
is simply allowing for the possibility of lazy thinking, greed, arrogance or
whatever failings or weaknesses we are expressing at the moment. Perhaps you are trying to push things too
much and this is leading to excess tension and pressure.
Suppose we seek to criticize. The important first step is to
examine our primary intention for confrontation. Is it a private, selfish, self-centered,
egotistical motive or an honest and objective attempt to make a positive useful
step toward a better overall result?
Remember Murphy’s Law – if there is a possibility of doing something
stupid the likelihood is that one will do it at the most inopportune time. When
things are not working examine the situation dispassionately and objectively
and as gently as possible. Try to sense
what is happening and reestablish your primary intention. Focus on this with a calm purpose giving it a
bit more than a normal and useful effort.
Written by Mark Williams
Mark E. Williams, MD, is the author of four books and more
than 100 peer-reviewed and other articles on geriatric medicine.
No comments:
Post a Comment