Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative
impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive
satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons.
Recent research from Friedrich Schiller University in Germany shows just
how serious toxic people are. They found that exposure to stimuli that
cause strong negative emotions—the same kind of exposure you get when
dealing with toxic people—caused subjects’ brains to have a massive
stress response. Whether it's negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome,
or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a
stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.
You can’t hope to distance yourself from toxic people until you first
know who they are. The trick is to separate those who are annoying or
simply difficult from those who are truly toxic. What follows are
10 types of toxic drainers that you should stay away from at all costs
so that you don’t become one yourself.
1. The Gossip
“Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Gossipers
derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to
peer into somebody else’s personal or professional faux pas at first,
but over time, it gets tiring, makes you feel gross, and hurts other
people. There are too many positives out there and too much to learn
from interesting people to waste your time talking about the misfortune
of others.
2. The Temperamental
Some people have
absolutely no control over their emotions. They will lash out at you and
project their feelings onto you, all the while thinking that you’re the
one causing their malaise. Temperamental people are tough to dump from
your life because their lack of control over their emotions makes you
feel bad for them. When push comes to shove though, temperamental people
will use you as their emotional toilet and should be avoided at all
costs.
3. The Victim:
Victims are tough to identify
because you initially empathize with their problems. But as time passes,
you begin to realize that their “time of need” is all the time. Victims
actively push away any personal responsibility by making every speed
bump they encounter into an uncrossable mountain. They don’t see tough
times as opportunities to learn and grow from; instead, they see them as
an out. There’s an old saying: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is
optional.” It perfectly captures the toxicity of the victim, who chooses
to suffer every time.
4. The Self-Absorbed
Self-absorbed
people bring you down through the impassionate distance they maintain
from other people. You can usually tell when you’re hanging around
self-absorbed people because you start to feel completely alone. This
happens because as far as they’re concerned, there’s no point in having a
real connection between them and anyone else. You’re merely a tool used
to build their self-esteem.
5. The Envious
To
envious people, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Even when
something great happens to envious people, they don’t derive any
satisfaction from it. This is because they measure their fortune against
the world’s when they should be deriving their satisfaction from
within. And let’s face it, there’salways someone out there who’s doing
better if you look hard enough. Spending too much time around envious
people is dangerous because they teach you to trivialize your own
accomplishments.
6. The Manipulator
Manipulators
suck time and energy out of your life under the façade of friendship.
They can be tricky to deal with because they treat you like a friend.
They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is
funny, but the difference is that they use this information as part of a
hidden agenda. Manipulators always want something from you, and if you
look back on your relationships with them, it’s all take, take, take,
with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so
they can work you over.
7. The Dementor
In
J. K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series, Dementors are evil creatures
that suck people’s souls out of their bodies, leaving them merely as
shells of humans. Whenever a Dementor enters the room, it goes dark,
people get cold, and they begin to recall their worst memories. Rowling
said that she developed the concept for Dementors based on highly
negative people—the kind of people who have the ability to walk into a
room and instantly suck the life out of it.Dementors suck the life out of the room by imposing their negativity and
pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints are always
glass half empty, and they can inject fear and concern into even the
most benign situations.
8. The Twisted
There are certain toxic
people who have bad intentions, deriving deep satisfaction from the pain
and misery of others. They are either out to hurt you, to make you feel
bad, or to get something from you; otherwise, they have no interest in
you. The only good thing about this type is that you can spot their
intentions quickly, which makes it that much faster to get them out of
your life.
9. The Judgmental
Judgmental
people are quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a
way of taking the thing you’re most passionate about and making you
feel terrible about it. Instead of appreciating and learning from people
who are different from them, judgmental people look down on others.
Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive
person, so you’re best off cutting them out and being yourself.
10. The Arrogant
Arrogant
people are a waste of your time because they see everything you do as a
personal challenge. Arrogance is false confidence, and it always masks
major insecurities. A University of Akron study found that arrogance is
correlated with a slew of problems in the workplace. Arrogant people
tend to be lower performers, more disagreeable, and have more cognitive
problems than the average person.
How to protect yourself once you spot ’em:Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop
someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s
happening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll
need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine, and you
shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so
Written by Travis Bradberry
Award-winning co-author of the best-selling book,Emotional Intelligence, and the co-founder of Talent Smart -- a consultancy that serves more than 75 percent of Fortune 500 companies and is a leading provider of emotional intelligence tests,training and certification .
