Risky Mistakes Men Make in their marriage

   

Despite the best intentions of married men in their homes, these habits may undermine their relationships.Men don’t nag, but you may be making mistakes that risk ruining your marriage.In fact, if you are a typical man and not a mature real man with plans, you are likely making several and making them often.

 1. Not showing empathy.
What is empathy? It is the ability to recognize and share someone else’s feelings.It is the most important part of any relationship. And it’s something that, in general, women are better at than men.Women want their feelings to be understood and validated.If your wife tells you she feels ignored, for example, at that moment what she wants is for you to understand her feelings rather than talk about the facts.

 2. Reckless spending.
 Making big purchases such as buying a car without first consulting your wife is a big mistake. Consciously or unconsciously, men frequently assign themselves the leadership role in the relationship. That, too, is a mistake because A couple’s relationship involves shared leadership.sometimes,you need to discuss issues with your wife before concluding.

3. Being sexually selfish -- or clueless.
 In the bedroom, some men forget or, worse, haven’t figured out that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on.Affection, making her feel loved and needed,that’s basic for her to feel aroused,Older men usually catch on, but young men are especially unaware of this.Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection But women want a connection prior to having sex.

 4. Listening the wrong way.
 Listening does not mean nodding along as your wife explains what is bothering her and you, all the while, are thinking up ways to fix the problem.Men tend to analyze situations and generate options,and That’s guaranteed to make your wife go ballistic.

5. Shelving your feelings.

Listening to your wife talk about her feelings is essential. So is talking about your own.

Many men, however, think they need to hide their feelings or risk being seen as weak. That’s a mistake because not sharing your emotions can be a danger signal for your wife.

6. Going on a power trip.

 Being a man does not mean being in charge,but many men don’t get that.They try to get what they want by being dominant. But it’s not about making demands or trying to overpower her. Women will pull away from that.power position that men often put themselves in essentially negates the relationship, which must be reciprocal, supportive, and caring because Our best selves emerge in the context of our relationships with others and not as an independent entity,

Segun obadeyi

coinofgold82xxx@yahoo.com

Begging - Need or disguised robbery?

 The months is gradually coming to an end and as we all know workers are less friendly with money during this time, for you’ve spent all money with you or you are managing the little cash left. It was a situation as the one I just described. I was really down on cash and I was been given a Thousand naira note by a colleague of mine I begged for transport. I had spent part of the money and thinking of using the remainder for transport the next morning to the office. On my way home, I met a heavily pregnant woman with three kids in her lap begging for alms. From my calculations, she should be in her early 20s or even less. I felt very bad for her thinking of how she is coping with such number of children and what manner of man impregnated her four consecutive times without thinking of taking care of his responsibilities. The most annoying thing is that, looking at the children they are just a bit older than themselves and the youngest of them all is still a baby still been breast fed. I did not think twice before I had to part with my money and have to walk half the way home.

On another day, I had to part with the last cash on me but later realized that the beggar I took pity on had more than I could give. For he has been getting money from unsuspecting passerby who took pity on him. I was disappointed to meet him on my way back from work still at that same point and still begging with the same strategy he used on me. I later learnt that is what he does for a living and that he begs at that point every day.

Another situation I still remember vividly is that of a little Hausa boy, maybe 10 or 11 years old, who moves himself begging for alms in the streets of Lagos. He lay, stomach-down, on an old skateboard, and pulls his body along with his arms. He had no legs. He rolled over to me, looked up into my eyes, and asked for money. Struggling not to cry, I reached into my pocket and handed over a Five hundred naira note, more than what I spend on a meal each morning.

I know many of us as fall into one of, similar or the entire scenario mentioned above.

When we come to think of it, giving those cash to the beggars might sound good but it’s among the most destructive things we’ve ever done.

We should not encourage given money to beggars because it does not solve their problem but rather solve their immediate problem. We should not give money to beggars. Not even the cute ones. Not even the disabled ones. Not even the ones who want money for school. Don't give them money, or candy, or whatever. It's not generous. In fact, it's one of the most harmful—and selfish—things a well-meaning person can do.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we should not help beggars or that all people begging are not really in need of what they beg for. I am trying to caution us on how and what we give to beggars or better put a better way to help them.

The impulse to share our blessings with people we meet is a wonderful and compassionate thing. But there are better ways to give. Established non-governmental organizations can ensure that charitable donations go to effective, sustainable projects, and they know how to implement positive change in minimally disruptive ways. Although none of this could help if we are confronted with heartbreaking poverty and suffering, right? It feels cruel and heartless to look a needy child in the eyes and, as many guidebooks suggest, “say no in a loud, firm voice. So we can’t say no and we absolutely cannot say yes. What can we say?

Instead of dishing out cash, buy someone food or a cup of tea if you wish and, best of all, if you think they have no roof over their head, contact local homelessness organizations

Try and ask questions as for the reason for the money to be giving. Pay for or buy the exact item been asked for. Instead of giving out transport fare, take the person to the bus stop and pay for the transport fare directly to the driver or the bus conductor.

If at all you want to help with money, give it to a relevant charity organization. You find beggars unpleasant as well as concerning.

 Whatever, the message is the same, wherever you live. Don't give money to street beggars. Help them instead. Be generous: Leave those coins in your pocket. Together we will build a better Nigeria.

  Written by Olagundoye temidayo

 olagundoyetemidayo@gmail.com

 www.literarynaija.wordpress.com

 07081165875

The physiognomy of an Artist

Kufre Udofia,who went to Elias International secondary school and studied cooperative management at  National Open University of Nigeria is a young enthustiastic artist with a passion with what he does.He has been into the art world for over seven years and he specializes in the arts such as Abstract painting,Digital Art branding and digital illustrations.He is the CEO of Kayarts Studios situated in Lagos,Nigeria.
Do you desire artist touch of your photos,then you need to meet with an artist like him.Here are his works below

He can be reached through  +2348039705047,Udofia10@gmail.com,www.facebook.com/kudofia1

How To Set Goals You'll Actually Keep In The New Year

The year is drawing to a close and in between this is the holiday shopping and money spray, some of us are furtively mulling over the year ahead. Which naturally brings up the year behind. How's the rear view for you?
 Let me guess, you have your 2015 Goals all checked off, each and every one, the individual tasks required for the completion of each goal lined through with the corresponding finish date.

You accomplished this by clearly writing down each and every goal throughout the year, defining the 'How' and 'Why' of each goal, checking to make sure they were R.E.A.L. for you and then reviewing that list every single day.
Then, every 90 days you reviewed your Master Goal List, creating the next series of goals and setting to work on the same process.
Go you!
Thanks to your dedication and persistence, the year is drawing to a close and you are now living the life of your dreams. Woo Hoo!
Or Not . . .
Wait, what? That's not your story? You didn't exactly do all those nifty little goal setting thingies?
Rats.
Aw well, join the crowd. Turns out, the majority of us don't. We think about goals, and that's called wishing; we talk about goals, and that's usually called whining; but rarely do we do what it takes to make them happen.
Here's how we stack up as goal setters:
What did you accomplish?,what didn't you accomplish?

1. Fear
Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. Fear can cripple us into inaction, keeping us right where we're at.
2. Laziness
Goals require energy. You need to turn off the TV. Put down the game on your phone. Make changes and do things differently.
3. Lack of clarity
Many people aren't sure who they really are and what they really want. How do you set a goal if you don't know where you're going?
Take a few minutes to look over each of those obstacles. Do you need to break down some barriers before you get started?
2016 Is Looming . . .
If 2015 wasn't a stellar year for you in the goal-setting department, there's an entire fresh new year coming right around the corner. What will you do with it?
Will the year be filled with 'Wishing and Whining' or 'Accomplishing and Enjoying'?
It's up to you.
How do you want the year end of 2016 to feel? What do you want to be doing, having, living?
Goal setting is free, easy and one of the most effective actions you can take to make lasting changes in your life. Done properly, goal setting is truly fun and exciting, something you'll look forward to. Let's kick some ass in 2016.
 
Written by Kimberly Montgomery
 
Kimberly Montgomery is the creator of the Choices Notebook and blogger at Fifty Jewels.com, where she encourages people to use their powers for good.

Catfish Pepper Soup Can Cause Cancer – Experts Warns

Nigerian Catfish Pepper Soup (popularly known as Point & Kill) can be a source of cancer due to its abundance in omega 6 fatty acids.
A cardiologist, Dr. Jane Anisulowo, says that farm or home-grown catfish is the worst example in this regard, as it contains more fatty hormones than the ones harvested from natural water.

According to Dr. Jane Anisulowo

“Fish is better than meat, no doubt. It digests easily and it contains proteins. However, catfish is not really a good option, especially the ones they sell these days, which are cultivated with hormonal feeds that are filled with steroids and other fattening chemicals just to make them profitable. These chemicals are cancerous in nature.“Also, they contain so much oil that you can almost taste it. Fish, generally, contains oil, but catfish has oil in its skin. That is what makes it so oily and unhealthy.
“It also contains a lot of poly unsaturated fat that does not only make you fat but also settles in the blood stream. That is very dangerous because when blood fails to get to an organ, it fails and suffers paralysis.”“If you can get the one from the river, which is rare in most cities, then you may eat it twice a month. But if the only one you can get is the one that is being reared by farmers, you don’t have to eat at all, or just eat it when it is partially smoked. In that way, some of the fats would have been lost in the process. Better still, there are some other species of fish that are oily but they contain good fats and are more nutritious.”

THE DANGEROUS SLEEP( part 2)

                                                       Written by Dr D K Olukoya


The Bible categorizes spiritual sleep into many classes. We will look at some of them. This will help you to know whether you are awake or not. The fact that somebody’s eyes are open does not mean that he is not sleeping spiritually.

1. The sleep of Jonah: Jonah 1:5-6 : “Then the mariners were afraid, and cried every man unto his god, and cast forth the wares that were in the ship into the sea, to lighten it of them. But Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep. So the shipmaster came to him, and said unto him, What meanest thou, O sleeper? Arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not.”

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF THE SLEEP OF JONAH
It was an unrealistic sleep, a sleep of illusion. The storm was raging, men were in danger but Jonah did not realize it at all. Likewise many people today think that they can put a cover over their head and all the bad things they are seeing around them would go away simply because they are sleeping. No, they will not go away. The sailor confronted Jonah, “What meanest thou, O sleeper arise, call upon thy God. Can’t you see what is happening around?”
There are many people like Jonah, a lot of things are happening around them, yet they are sleeping. Many, today are roaming about sleeping unrealistically. Their sin is raging like the hurricane and is as dark as the night and the danger is great but they want to believe that everything is going to be all right. That is why Paul warns: “Awake thou that sleepest and arise from the dead and the light of Christ shall shine upon thee.
Unfortunately, many will die under this delusion because their eyes are covered, they think that the world will just go on like that and that nothing will happen. They believe that politicians will be politicians, military men will be military men, governors will be governors, etc. No, very soon, things will happen. If you are sleeping like Jonah, I pray that the Lord would deliver you, in Jesus’ name.
Some people have the call of God upon their lives and God has told them where to go but they have slept off like Jonah and have also decided to go another way. God told Jonah to go to Nineveh but he headed for Tarshish and slept off on the way. Eventually, he went from his bed of sleep into the mouth of a fish and was there for three days. He did three days dry fast in the belly of the fish because of unrealistic sleep. He was running away from God and consoled himself by sleeping.

2.  The sleep of the apostle and the sleep of the disciple: What is the nature of the sleep of the disciples? It is the sleep of weariness. Mark 14:37 says, “And he cometh, and findeth them sleeping, and saith unto Peter, Simon, sleepest thou? Couldest not thou watch one hour?” He first called him Peter and later called him Simon. There is a difference between the two names. Peter means rock while Simon means reed. Anytime Peter began to do a slow motion in the Bible, Jesus would not call him Peter, He would say Simon. And when he was doing well, He would call him Peter.

When Peter left Jesus and began to fish after the resurrection, Jesus said, “Simon son of Jonah lovest thou me…” Here He called him Simon which means a reed, somebody who shakes here and there. “Simon, sleepest thou? Couldest not thou watch one hour?” That is, could you not do one-hour night vigil? There are many people like that. The only night vigil they do effectively with minimal sleep may be the ones organised by the church. Such people are deceiving themselves. When you cannot sit down and do a personal vigil for at least one hour, you are sleeping the sleep of the disciple. Jesus asked His disciples to pray for danger was coming. The betrayal was to come that night and soldiers were coming. Perhaps if Peter had prayed that one hour prayer, he would not have denied the Lord. When danger came, they stood up and were wide awake but that could not help the situation. I pray that you will not wake up when it is too late.

The brainwashment behind Biafra agitation

Are the Igbo People marginalised in Nigeria? The Igbos cry of marginalization and injustice and dismissed Nigeria as a " zoo" ! Is it true that the Igbos are marginalized ? From my research the Igbos cannot be say to be serious when they vehemently argue that they are marginalised save the word ' marginalization has another meaning .
 
 The first President of Nigeria was Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe. The military Head of State and Commander in Chief that emerged after the democratically first civiilan government was toppled pn the 15th January 1966 was Major General Aguiyi Ironsi . He was an Igbo man from the present Abia State .An Igbo man was Vice President of Nigeria from 1979 to 1983; Admiral Ebitu Ukiwe was Vice (military ) President to Military President Ibrahim Badamsai Babangida in his capacity as Chief of General Staff. Between 1999 to 2007, three Igbo politicians were Senate President of the Country name Senators Evan Enewerem ; Ken Nnanani ; Dr Chuba Okadigbo; Adophus Wabara; Pius Anyim. Also in the Babangida transition period , an Igbo politician emerged the Speaker of the House of Representatives. He was Honourable Anekwe . An Igbo politician was the Deputy Speaker of the House of Reprsentatives from 2007 to 2011 . His name is Honourable Emeka Ihedioha . An Igbo politician .Senator Ekweremadu has been Deputy Senate President from 2003 till date . An Igbo was Chief of Staff Nigerian Army from 2011 to 2014. He is retired General Azubuike Iherkija . Michael Okiro was Inspector General of Police . Also Mr Ogbonna Okechukwu Onovo was also Inspector General of Police . Retired Air Marshall Paul Dike was Chief of Defence Staff. Vice Admiral Ezeoba was Chief of Naval Staff . Also Retired Admiral Madueke was Chief of Naval Staff. There are numerous Igbo jurists in the Federal High Court ; Court of Appeal and Supreme Court of Nigeria . Retired Honourable Justice RosemarycUkeje was Chief Judge of the Federal High Court . As far back as 1976, late Honourable Justice Dan Ibekwe was the First President of the Court of Appeal. Another Igbo jurist late Honourable Justice Augustine Nnanami would have been Chief Justice of Nigeria but he unfortunately slumped and died . There are numerous Igbo generals in the Armed Forces, Police and Para Militaries. An Igbo lady was the Comptroller General of Nigeria Immigration Service . The current governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria , Godwin Emefiele is Igbo. Between 1993 to 1999 , an Igbo man Paul Agbai Ogwuma was governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria .Also between 2004 to 2009 , Dr Charles Chukwuma Soludo was governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria. The immediate past Minister of Finance,Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala is an Igbo woman. Before her were Dr Chu Okongwu and Dr Idika Kalu Idika .The Igbo have nearly 80 percent of the property market in Abuja through dint of industry and hard work . The Igbo are found everywhere in the Federation doing business , working hard and prospering . They the mptpr spare business . They are in charge of the import business in the country .They are well assimilated and integrated in numerous communities outside the South East . In Bauchi State in my former party . CPC an Igbo man from Imo State was elected in 2011 a member of the House of Representatives. Presently in the House of Representatives there are several legislators from the South East originally representing Lagos State .The argument that the Igbos are marginalized and unjustly and ungainly treated in Nigeria is tenuous and therefore baseless . The Igbo people need the large Nigerian market to continue to showcase their entrepreneurial spirit and acumen . The Europeans that are wealthy and developed are coming together so we that are poor and undeveloped need to unite and insist having large political entities that are viable and strive to reach the standard of Europe . Balkanization is surely not the answer .

Written by Okoi Obono Obla