How to find your mentor

Are you looking for a mentor – someone who will build a relationship with you, someone to teach and advise you and enable you to become a wise and effective human being? Here are ten steps to finding that person:

1. Look at the people you know
   Look around at the people in your personal and professional life. Is there someone you admire? Someone you would like to emulate in some way? Someone who has the wisdom you need?
2. Consider people you’ve never met
   Research the top individuals in the businesses, organizations and trace associations of your chosen field. Find out as much as you can about them. Identify those individuals whose values and accomplishments you most admire.
3. Select a mentor who is a good role model
   Look for someone who is not only famous or successful, but who has a reputation for character and solid principles. Look for someone you can admire and respect as well as emulate.
4. Select a mentor who is a good listener
   The best mentor is one who gets to know you – your skills and strengths and weaknesses, your individual personality and your aspirations. A good mentor should not serve as a lecturer, but as a sounding board who will help you with your struggles and help you to clarify your principles and beliefs.
5. Select a mentor who levels with you
   A good mentor doesn’t just encourage you, but will also tell you the blunt truth when you are moving in the wrong direction. It is also a good sign if your mentor is candid and open about his or her own life. Anyone who has accomplished great things has made mistakes along the way and will share those experiences freely so that you can learn from them.
6. Look for someone who is unlike you in some important way
   Our tendency is to gravitate toward those with whom we have a lot in common. But in seeking out a mentor, it is wise to seek out people who have strengths that we lack. For example, if you are a shy and introverted person, seek out someone who is bold and gregarious. Instead of pairing up with someone who will reinforce your weaknesses, find someone who will challenge you to acquire new strengths.
7. Be open to finding a mentor in unlikely places
   We tend to think of a mentor or teacher as someone with gray hair and a well-lined face. Not necessarily! A mentor could be anyone who has something to teach you and could be the same age or even younger than you. A mentor could be someone of lower rank and social standing than you.
8. If the person doesn’t know you, approach that person with a brief letter of introduction
   You might say, “I have followed your achievements in the field of ______ and I eagerly read your book on ______. Like you, I am very concerned about the issue of _____ and I hope to make a contribution in these areas myself someday. I am looking for a mentoring relationship, and I would be grateful if you could spare thirty minutes to discuss such a possibility with me.”
9. Make personal contact
   Don’t be shy. Ask, “Would you be willing to mentor me?” You may think you are imposing on that person, but I have found that most people who have achieved a place of accomplishment in life are eager to share their wisdom, experience and knowledge with others. When you ask someone to be your mentor, you are truly offering them high praise.
10. Remember, you are never too old to be mentored
      You may have reached a point where you know you have a lot of knowledge and experience to offer others – but you still have a lot to learn! That’s why, despite your age and gray hair, you still seek out people to mentor me.

Written by Daniel Obaiye