There is no disputing the fact that the home or the conditions in which a child grows up in determine the eventual outcome of that child. The home is the first school of life the child is enrolled in and where that home fails to provide lessons that would mould and keep the child grounded, such individual ends up exhibiting some questionable personality traits or character flaws.
The role of both parents can, therefore not be overemphasized. The presence of the father as breadwinner, authority figure and role model should instil in the child the discipline and focus required to succeed in life. Consequently, the presence of the mother as care giver, support system (both morally and spiritually) and disciplinarian is needed to guide the child through the right paths in life. One should also note that other members of the family at large have their distinct roles to play in ensuring that the child is brought up properly where he does not end up becoming a menace to the society.
The parents are the primary authority figures in the child’s life and their attitude or actions in the home towards the child, with each other and with others, could make or mar the child depending on the level of influence or quality of value instilled in the child. Where at an early age, the child is exposed to circumstance that contradicts the normal status quo in the family, that child is bound to pick up harmful social vices. For instance, if a child grows up in a home where the father as an authority figure tries to exert that authority by being overbearing and harsh, this could lead to the child becoming insecure or intimidated by the father. In some extreme cases where the father beats both wife and children, it leaves a lasting impression on the children who believe that a man has the right to deal with his family as he sees fit even to the extent of becoming physically abusive. The boy child who grows up with this mentality takes this attitude to his own home and continues the cycle. This does not in any way encourage the emergence of notable and honourable men in the society.
Experts believe that most of the time, individuals tend to model an aspect of their parents they observed while growing up. A child exposed to physical abuse at home almost always ends up abusing his peers physically. A background check on most bullies in schools reveals that the circumstances in the home front are responsible for the child lashing out on his mates.
Another instance is a case where the child witnesses regular fights and arguments between his parents. This is not a healthy environment for the child to grow up in because children are very emotional and are susceptible to whatever vibes the parents send.
A child exposed to negative vibes in the home due to quarrels and arguments becomes mentally and psychologically imbalanced because it usually takes a loving and peaceful atmosphere to develop a child’s psyche.
Most children respond better and quicker in school if the home front is peaceful and loving, but where the home is chaotic, the child is usually moody in school and not quick to grasp what is being taught. An instance is given of a boy in church who sat apart from other children crying. When asked what the matter was, he responded by saying that his parents had a fight that morning before coming to church and that made him very sad. The said parents were seen in church sitting together and smiling at friends pretending that nothing happened but the child who witnessed the fight was unable to get over it and could not play with his peers or respond to what was being taught.
Parents are however advised not to air their disputes in front of the children because it is not usually easy for them to get over such graphic display of emotions. In instances where one of the child’s biological parents is absent like where the father marries another wife or vice versa, the balance usually shifts as a stepparent will not provide the adequate emotional nurturing the child needs. A step-mother who has her own children will not love her step-child the way she would her own. She would be partial even when she tries to give the impression that she is not, and when the child seeks for approval and attention from a mother who does not give it, that child closes up and adopts a defense mechanism against emotional rejection. The girl child can seek attention elsewhere which could lead to her ending up in a dangerous relationship with a man. The boy child would seek to find that approval from friends and would end up doing daring things that would earn him the admiration of his friends. This could range from smoking, stealing or sexual exploits. The absent father does not notice the neglect of the child by the step-mother and does not intervene appropriately, leaving the child on his own to do what he pleases.
Sadly, the parents ignore these tell-tale signs and believe that they can compensate the lack of love and attention by showering gifts and money, but these can never substitute for the love and attention the child requires to grow up healthy and balanced. A child that has to deal with the abandonment of the father ends up having a warped relationship with people; where trust becomes an issue. For the girl child, she tends to believe that all men in her life would act like her father and leave eventually so she closes up to most relationships and if left unchecked, such person becomes a social recluse and misses out on making meaningful relationships, distrusting men and people generally. The boy believes that instead of trying to work out the issues in his relationship, he can walk out when he feels like it.
Parents are usually advised not to drag their children into their dispute because then the child is forced to take sides and this could lead to emotional blackmail where the child only gets what he wants if he supports one parent against the other. This should not be the case because a child needs to feel loved no matter what he does or says. The truth is that whatever problems a society is battling with can be traced to the upbringing and mentality of the individuals. Train a child in the right ways, instill good moral values and watch the transformation of that society and the nation at large.
Written by Anthony Brown
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