Marriage can run into stormy waters anytime and under any circumstance. How couples handle the situation will show their maturity level, relationship with God, depth, knowledge, patience, love and understanding.
14 wrong things to do in marriage crises
- Blame each other: “You ruined our weekend”, “You caused it all”, “You make me sick”, “Your carelessness caused it”, “You see where you landed us”, “It is all your fault”. Statements like these do not get the issues resolved but rather compounds them.
- Criticise each other: “You are too demanding”, “You are too fat”, “Your fatness caused the sluggishness that made us to miss our flight”, “You are a bad cook”, “You talk like a fool”, “You are lazy”.
- Get defensive: “That is me”, “That is my philosophy”, “You can’t change me”, “That is how my father behaves”, “You made me to do it”, “You caused it all”.
- Avoid the Issue: “I do not want to talk about it”, “do not disturb me”, “There is nothing you say that can change my mind”, “do not waste your time, I have closed this case”.
- Exaggerate the Issue: “You will kill me one day”, “There is no devil like you”, “I regret I married you”, “You always do it”, “You can’t change”, “If you die, I will not mourn you”.
- Generalise it: “Women are the same”, “You are a witch like your mother”, “You always do it”, “You never listen”, “You never do anything right”.
- See it as a war: “I am ready for anything”, “Bring it hot, and I will bring it hotter”, “I am ready for you”, “I will show you who I am”.
- Bring a threat: “I will send you packing”, “I will go with my children”, “I will divorce you”, “I will marry another wife”, “I will kill you one day”, “You will kill me one day”
- Finalise it: “I can never forgive him”, “I can not allow him to sleep with me again”, “I’m tired of her”, “This marriage is over”, “I curse the day I met you”, “Marrying a harlot is better”.
- Referring to Old Issues: “That is what you did ten years ago”, “You did it when we were courting”.
- Using abusive Words: “I never knew you are this stupid”, “The house girl dresses better than you”, “I do not blame you, your mother is more foolish than that”, “That is how your father killed your mother”.
- Expand it: “I do not even know whether these children are mine”, “My problem is that I did not marry right”, “From the day you entered my life, it has been one trouble after another”.
- Standardize it: “You always get it wrong”, “That is what you always do”, “You always get me mad”, “Your food always makes me sick”.
- Distort it: “You have never cooked a good meal in this house”, Statements like these can destroy any home without notice.
1 Beating their wives
2 Rejecting food, nagging
3 Reporting to third parties.
4 Refusing to cook for their husbands
5 Open brawls
6 Sexual denial
7 Separation of rooms
8 Keeping malice
9 Sleeping inside the car
10 Sleeping in the sitting room
11 Avoid going home
12 “ Scape goating ” (transferred aggression).
Any person that is involved in any of these is a baby; he or she needs to grow. Unfortunately, most of our couples are in that category, even people that have been married for years.
Written by Bisi Adewale
Facebook.com/totalfamilylife
Twitter: @bisiadewale
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Bisi adewale is an International Conference Speaker on Relationship Marriage, Parenting and Family Life,He is the author of the best selling books: Secrets of an Irresistible Wife, Hot and sizzling marriage,32 ways to know truelove,Parenting Teenagers and more than 70 other best selling books on marriage and family life.
He is the president of Family Booster Ministries International and College of Marital Success (CMS), Host of Family Booster Moments on TV, watched in many countries across the globe.He is happily married to Yomi a Chartered Accountant and Counsellor and Teacher of the word,they are bless with Godly Children and are live in Lagos,Nigeria.
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