I loved my wedding reception – outdoors, between storms, on a cool August day by Lake Champlain – not just for the beautiful dahlia and snapdragon flower arrangements, Lillet cocktails, and local Vermont cheese plates, but for the joy of having all of my favorite people in the world celebrating with me. It is, simply put, the best party of your life.
As you think about the flow of the reception, there are a
few points of etiquette to observe. These are easy to incorporate with a
little forethought, and will keep you focused on enjoying time with
your guests.
PhotosHere is my one regret: my
absence throughout most of the cocktail hour. And I don’t drink much, so
it wasn’t the beverages that I regret missing. Right after saying my
vows, I was ready to greet my guests. However, despite planning to take
as many photos before the ceremony as possible, we still needed more
time than anticipated.
I followed all of my own advice, and scheduled a First
Look (which was terrific), wrote a smart photo-list order that required
less wrangling of family, and assigned relatives to find any stragglers
for group portraits. In the end, the photos still took a bigger portion
of the timeline than expected. So, an additional bit of advice is to
allot plenty of extra time for photo sessions!
Receiving Lines vs. Table VisitsThe
receiving line can be held as guests depart the ceremony site, though
more often it is held as they enter the reception area. While it may
feel slow or old-fashioned, it serves a very important purpose: It gives
you (the couple) and any other hosts the opportunity to greet and thank
guests. This is the single most important duty you have at the wedding.
If the official cake cutting gets cut or the bouquet toss is tossed,
it’s no big deal. But saying “hello and thank you for coming” to every
single person in attendance is an ironclad must. The receiving line
serves as a catchall for this purpose.
Many couples have opted to skip receiving lines in recent
years in favor of greeting attendees via table visits. Either way you
say “hello” to all of your guests is fine; but think about the timing.
Table visits take at least a few – if not five or more – minutes each.
Multiply that by 20 tables, and your loved ones may be done with dinner
before you’re finished approaching them all. Plus, you may miss your own
meal! Generally speaking, it’s a very good idea to have a receiving
line if you have from 75 to 100+ guests. Fewer than that and
circumstances are in your favor to find and thank every individual
present.
ToastsWhile Champagne may be replaced
with any beverage, no reception is complete without at least a few
words from your hosts to congratulate the newlyweds and thank guests for
coming. When the couple hosts, one or both might take a moment to
express appreciation to family and friends for coming and to toast his
or her new spouse. Typically done early or late during the meal, the
main host will (gently!) tap a glass or take the microphone to give a
toast. Usually this will be the bride’s father, followed immediately or
shortly thereafter by the groom’s father. The couple, best man, and
maid/matron of honor might also say a few words. Mothers and stepparents
can speak as well. Any combination of these may happen. It’s a good
idea to have a sense of who is on deck and in what order to avoid hurt
feelings should the best man take the microphone before the father of
the bride has a chance to go first. If you don’t want an open mic, give
the DJ or whoever is in charge of the microphone a list of those who
will give toasts, and ask him or her to politely decline the request of
others who may ask.
It’s okay to use notes for toasts, and to keep them short
if you’re nervous. Toasts don’t need to be lengthy – have you ever sat
and timed five minutes? It’s a long time. A minute or two at most is
adequate, especially if several people plan to speak. (Rehearsal dinners
are a great time for lots of speeches, and for long speeches.) At the
end of each toast, the speaker will ask everyone to join in raising
their glasses, or simply turn to you two and raise their glass.
Technically, when you are being toasted, you don’t drink – just smile
and enjoy. After guests have drunk you might raise your glass to them in
return and have a sip.
Cutting the CakeWhile first dances,
bouquet tosses, and big send-offs can be fun, there isn’t much etiquette
to them; not so for the cake cutting. Cutting the cake is a sign to
attendees that it’s acceptable to leave the reception without being
thought rude. This is often an important cue for elderly guests, or
those with small children to put to bed. If you weren’t planning to cut
the cake and feed one another bites in front of loved ones, or opted for
an alternative dessert such as cupcakes or cookies that don’t lend
themselves to cutting, simply serving dessert will suffice as a signal.
Plan to cut the cake (or have dessert served) within an hour of dinner
ending. The party will still go on, and family and friends who would
like to depart will end on a sweet note.
Written by Anna Post
Anna Post is the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post, and a
co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th edition. She is also the
co-author of Great Get-Togethers and the author of Do I Have To Wear
White?.A modern etiquette expert and regular columnist for Inside
Weddings, Anna covers a range of wedding etiquette related topics. She
has previously written for CNN.com and The Huffington Post and conducts
business etiquette seminars and speaks at bridal shows across the
country.Anna also turns her creative eye to creating and launching new
products that marry the trusted name of Emily Post with other brands.
Recently she has contributed to lines of wedding, social, and business
stationery for the Emily Post exclusively for M. Middleton line and to
the Emily Post PhotoBooks suite of wedding albums for Photo Book Press.A
graduate of Phillips Academy and the University of Vermont
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