Life is full of people who rub us the wrong way. Whether it's
within our family, workplace, church, or community, we've all encountered at
least one person who drives us absolutely crazy. Maybe they say sly insults,
tell bad jokes, or invade our personal space. Whatever their annoying or
hurtful habits are, our spirits are dampened and flustered by their presence in
our lives.
As Christians, how do we cope with difficult people? Christ
calls us to love selflessly and ceaselessly. So are we just supposed to force a
smile and fake a laugh, while inside we're cringing or crying or wanting to
flee? How can we possibly be genuine with all these negative emotions broiling
just beneath the surface?
So are we just supposed to force a smile and fake a laugh,
while inside we're cringing or crying or wanting to flee?
We can't do it on our own. Our broken, sinful hearts aren't
capable of scraping together nearly enough love to cover the foibles and flaws
of our fellow humans. We occasionally have trouble loving even those who are
dearest to us. So often, our feeble, fleeting attempts at love fall flat and
our patience runs dry.
The only true source of compassion, strength, and love is
God. If we embrace and rely completely on God's love and forgiveness for us, we
can then draw from his infinite provision and begin to love others more fervently
and sincerely.
I've found that there are 12 key steps we take to help us
build greater compassion, empathy, and love for our neighbors—even the ones who
have caused us pain, anger, or frustration. It is critical, though, to
understand that these tools are best used in the hands of those who have deeply
acknowledged their own sin and their need for Christ's grace and direction in
their lives.
1. Pray for the Holy Spirit's intervention. If you know
you're about to enter into an interaction with a difficult person, appeal to
the Holy Spirit for strength, compassion, and patience. Through him, you have
the power to represent Christ—even in the most trying of circumstances. Our
calling as Christians is difficult, but we don't have to do it alone. Remember
that your kindness could portray the gospel to someone who desperately needs
it.
2. Consult God's Word. Scripture is a treasure trove of
practical advice about how to interact with people. Sometimes we may feel as
though the Bible is distant and unrelated to today's culture, but upon closer
inspection, we can see that human nature hasn't really changed. The wisdom that
the Word provides is still relevant to our lives.
3. You don't know their whole story. Knowing the hardships
in someone's life can give you an entirely new perspective and understanding of
their personality. Dealing out judgment comes so easily to us, especially when
we are leveling it at someone who makes our lives miserable. But if we remember
that they, too, have felt the sting of injustice, the burden of anxiety, and
the ache of emptiness, perhaps we won't be so quick to feel anger and
annoyance.
4. It's always possible to establish common ground. It's
amazing how finding something in common with a person you take issue with can
begin to bridge the chasm between you. It could be something as simple as a
similar childhood experience, a shared hobby, or a book you both enjoyed. These
tiny tendrils of connection may seem meaningless, but they could gradually
improve your interactions.
These tiny tendrils of connection may seem meaningless, but
they could gradually improve your interactions.
5. Silence is golden, so think before you speak. Sometimes
our words stumble out of our mouths before we have a chance to censor them. It
can be easy to lash out in anger or make condescending comments. But words,
once they're said, are irreversible and hold incredible weight. Pray for
self-control and the wisdom to speak only what is encouraging, considerate, and
kind.
6. Don't take yourself too seriously. An important life
skill is learning how to laugh at yourself. We can become so caught up in
proving a point or keeping our pride intact that we start to forget that we are
as human as everyone else. A humble attitude admits to faults and views others as
equals instead of inferiors. Carrying out God's work is what should be taken
seriously.
7. Be open to criticism—there could be some truth in it.
None of us enjoy being criticized, especially when we feel it is undeserved.
But even if the criticism is riddled with untruth or mean-spiritedness, it's
possible that there could be a grain of truth in it. In order to grow, we must
look inward with honest, objective eyes and prayerfully search our motives and
actions for faults. Although the process may sting, we will emerge from it
stronger and more self-aware.
8. Don't conspire against them with others. There's nothing
more tempting than blowing off steam with a group of understanding friends
after an encounter with an obnoxious coworker or acquaintance. We want their
feedback and sympathy or maybe we just want to talk it out. This is natural and
often helpful for our peace of mind. But we must be careful not to indulge in
slander or malicious gossip. Venting should be about healing our wounds and
being encouraged, not about dragging the offender's name through the mud in
order to feel superior to them.
9. Pray for discernment about whether to confront an issue
or let it go. It's difficult to know when we should call out an offense or drop
it. We don't want to seem upset or ruffled all the time, but we also don't want
to bottle up all our frustrations until they erupt. When should we lovingly
confront the person about her wrongdoing? Unfortunately, there is usually never
a perfectly clear answer to this question. The best thing to do is pray for
guidance. If the offender's actions are destroying the relationship or making
interaction difficult, it may be time to communicate your feelings in a gentle,
considerate manner.
10. Don't go looking for trouble. There can be something
oddly satisfying about keeping an account of our enemies' sins. Maybe we sniff
out offenses like a bloodhound, looking for more fuel to feed our dislike. By
focusing on their dirt, we begin to feel better about our own. But this
mentality leaves us bitter and allows no room for grace. Shed the attitude of
hypersensitivity and instead adopt one of patience and forgiveness.
11. Remember, they are God's precious creation. Just as you
have been created in God's image, so has your intrusive neighbor or your
over-bearing boss. God knit them lovingly in the womb, numbered the hairs on
their heads, and has guided their footsteps. When we extend love to them
despite our differences, we are exhibiting the depth of our love for God.
12. Love because you are loved. Forgive because you have
been forgiven. Ephesians 4:32 puts it best: "Be kind to each another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven
you." When you feel the need to hold a grudge or keep your love from
someone, remember the abundance of grace that is available to you through
Jesus, despite your great sin. He is the reason we can each love deeply,
joyfully, and freely.
Who are the people in your life who are the most difficult
to interact with? Christ has taught us to not only outwardly treat them with
kindness and respect, but to also view them through his eyes—with understanding
and compassion. His example and transforming power in our lives will equip us
to go out and love as he loved.
Written by Hillary McMullen
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