As little girls, we might have pretended to be a damsel in distress — held hostage by a fire-breathing dragon, and saved by a knight in shining armor. We grow out of pretending, but as women we still tend to gravitate towards romantic books and movies.
Romantic bliss is one part of marriage, but it’s the hard
fought battles won with grace that sustain a marriage. Tweet Share on Facebook
The thing we love most about a fairytale romance is the
happy ending. No matter what the ups and downs, the guy and girl always make it
in the end and achieve romantic bliss. It’s so neat and clean, and perfect.
Yet, the romance books and movies are just pretend. They deliver us a modern
fairytale: the American Dream that comes with a successful career, two children
(a boy and a girl, of course), a faithful and devoted husband, good health, and
an abundance of wealth and material possessions.
But what happens when reality doesn’t line up with our hopes
and dreams? What if the real story of our life and marriage disappoints us? Is
our knight in shining armor who we thought he was when we married him? Can he
save us from the dragon?
The Married Have Not Arrived
The problem with translating a fairytale into our personal
life is our unrealistic expectations. We want the happy ending in our own
lives, and we think marriage will be that blessing. We expect the happy ending
— sometimes even demand it. We all have a romance story playing in our head of
what married life will be like, but eventually we’ll discover this fantasy
world doesn’t match reality. Our lofty, fragile hopes and dreams are shattered.
We’re hurt and confused by our husband’s sin (and our own). We never realized
marriage could be so hard.
We love the romance books and movies — the fairytale —
because our own love life can be a disappointment. We foolishly think we’ve
finally “arrived” when we go from single to married. But God knows we’ve only
just begun. We need to start seeing marriage through a different genre: the war
movie.
Wartime Weddings
We all need a wartime mentality on the battlefield of
marriage. When we move past the decisions of the wedding dress, the flowers,
the meal options, we are faced with the daily decisions of living out our
marriage vows. The sweet romantic bliss tasted on our wedding day is a real
part of marriage — seasons and moments that should be treasured — but it’s the
hard fought battles won with grace that sustain a marriage.
Little girls aren’t the only ones falling for fairytale
romance. Women are still buying it in novels and movies. Tweet Share on
Facebook
Whether we’re aware of it or not, the battle begins, not
ends, when we make our vows. Our sinful desires will immediately rear up like a
fire-breathing dragon. Satan will throw his grenade of lies at our feet. We
will have to watch our step, lest we set off his explosive land mines hidden in
our own homes. Many times it’s our own unrealistic expectations in marriage
that blind us from seeing the bullets flying all around us. We must let go of
the childish fairytale, and ask God to open our eyes to the spiritual warfare
in our marriage, the battle in which we must fight for faith.
Satan’s Hope for Your Marriage
Satan wants to tear apart the beautiful gospel picture in
marriage: the representation of Christ’s sacrificial love for his bride, the
church. The enemy will stop at nothing to destroy any image or reflection of
Christ in this world. He knows unrealistic expectations in marriage might help
him kill what God loves. So, he tries to cheat us by selling us short on what
God intends for marriage.
Satan wants us to think marriage is about fulfilling our
unmet needs and desires, living the dream sold in romance novels, checking off
a box, or finally getting our lives together. He’s slowly, gently rocking us
into an apathetic sleep, so that we’ll settle for less. We must wake up and see
how our unrealistic expectations set the bar way too low. Our desires are too
small when we place ultimate hope in our husband or marriage itself. Our
expectations should rise as God uses our unmet expectations — and the resulting
disappointment and hurt — to drive us to himself. Marriage is a road that
brings us to the greater destination: God himself.
A Love Story Larger Than Marriage
You see, we really do desire the fairytale over the war
movie, because deep down we know it is true. We know there is a knight in
shining armor who will slay the dragon for us, who will beat all the odds and
win the war, who will pursue us in our distress and save us. Like Snow White’s
prince, whose kiss brought the princess back to life, so God gives us his
divine kiss of life through Jesus.
Our knight in shining armor is a carpenter from Bethlehem.
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Our knight in shining armor is a carpenter from Bethlehem;
and he never disappoints. We think our marriages are meant to suit us and our
little earthly desires, but our marriages are really part of a bigger story God
is telling through his Son. Our expectations must be shaped by treasuring
Christ. Only then will we stop pretending and engage in a wartime mentality toward
marriage.
Liz (@liz_wann) has a B.A. in English and writing from
Rollins College. She now lives in Philadelphia with her husband and two little
boys. Liz is a stay-at-home mom, editor in chief at Morning by Morning, and
writes at lizwann.com.