When divorce is not an option

The average couple in today's world has thought about divorce at least once during their marriage. God has put you and your spouse together for a reason — and it's not to argue. You are bonded together to cultivate in each other those virtues that lead to sanctification. Marriage is not one size fits all and most importantly,marriage is an institution where you cannot graduate.And for some, divorce is a constant threat. For others, divorce feels like their only hope. Whether you have thought about divorce once or you think about it every day, this article gives eight good reasons why divorce is not an option.

  Your Kids
The first reason is something we all know about and we all consider: the kids. Should you stay married for the children? Well, at least think about how it will affect them. You might get over it in time. They never will.
They will never get over the loss of their family, and their lives will never be the same. Never. When Mom and Dad go apart, and start living separate lives, a child's world is never the same, and they must navigate a new reality. For that boy or girl, the fairy tale is officially over. Yes, kids do "move on," but they are affected by it forever.

Custody

The next reason is very closely related to the first. It als deals with children. The number one reason was how it affected the lives of the children.
One of the worst things about divorce, if children are involved, is a new dirty word you will become very familiar with: custody. You no longer have the children in your home, full-time, as you always have. You will be sharing time with those children with your ex-partner, and you will have to arrange your whole life to accommodate these arrangements.
If you are the non-custodial parent, you can never get those hours back, and you will miss those children, guaranteed. 

It brings Emotional Devastation

Divorce is emotionally devastating for most people. Divorce forces us to kill all of the dreams we were counting on when we decided to marry our mate. It separates us from the one person we believed would always be there for us, holding our hand when we got old and feeble. We may deny the pain, but there is always pain with divorce. Divorce is a type of death, and we will need to grieve from the pain, just as we do when a person we love dies.Divorce is the ultimate rejection, because we are either rejecting, or being rejected by, the one person who knew us most in this world.

 Loss of Confidence
 Another aspect of confidence that is affected is our confidence in our desirability. This why newly divorced often go through a stage of serial dating, desperately seeking to re-establish themselves as attractive and wanted. Or they may fall into another relationship right away, rebounding, and not choosing someone that is healthy for them, compounding and complicating the already raw wound of divorce.

 Loss of Identity

When divorce happens, both individuals lose the roles of husband and wife that they were accustomed to. Even if the marriage is troubled, there is still security in knowing that you are this person's wife or husband, and all of that is gone when the divorce papers are signed. You are no longer the wife of so-and-so, but you are now the "ex" of so-and-so, not a very affirming title.

 Loss of Family

Now, this is a very difficult one, and very painful for many people. You know how when you got married, everyone said you were marrying your fiance's family, as well as your fiancé? Well, this truth also works in reverse. When you divorce your wife, you are also divorcing her family. IN MOST CASES. You see, just like the friends, family will often feel forced to take sides, and guess who they are going to pick? Of course, their son or daughter! So, the relationship with your in-laws will probably change, if not end.

 Loss of Friends

Something you might not realize when contemplating a divorce is that your social life will change. Socially, a person's marital status is important, and affects the dynamic of a social situation. Couples often feel more comfortable being friends

Financies 

The longer a couple stays married, the more time they have to build up assets and their livelihood. You often see couples who have been together for a long time with a great deal of financial stability. Staying together often allows couples to accumulate assets, a good reputation, as both of them work together for the good of their household. Divorce disrupts this building process, and forces both members of the couple to start from scratch, and therefore can be very hard on both party's financial situation.

Divorce is expensive in so many ways. There are the actual legal costs of obtaining a divorce judgment. If there are children involved, custody must be decided. If there are assets, they must be divided. All of these things usually involve lawyer billing hours. Anytime a judge is involved, you must pay for the lawyer's time.

with other couples, and making the switch to two singles instead of one deuce will shake everything up. If you are really close, the couple might choose to see both of you at different times but if the tie between the two couples was based mostly on one of the persons in the divorced couple, your friends will often feel forced to take sides, to be loyal to their original friend. This doesn't sound very nice, but it's a reality.

 

Written by Dr Adebanjo Owolabi
 Dr Adebanjo Owolabi is a marriage cousellor,a writer and family awareness event planner