Communication Lessons from the Trump Win

                          

No matter how you feel about the outcome of the presidential election, it certainly can’t hurt to try to derive lessons from it, including those we can apply to our own lives. Here are some lessons on effective communication:

Encouraging unpopular views beats suppressing them. Prohibiting or censoring unpopular views doesn’t eliminate them. It  merely pushes them into the shadows of one’s mind. In this case, that applies to opinions of millions of voters who felt disregarded and seen only as sources of redistribution to others. These days, many such people feel too uncomfortable to raise concerns about such policies, even to pollsters. Perhaps the only place they feel they can express their views without retribution is the voting booth. That may at least partly explain why the pollsters underestimated Trump’s chances.

So those unpopular thoughts lie within, sometimes festering in their skulls’ protective case, insulated from counterpoints. Too, their detractors are protected from what such people believe is a profoundly correct position.

Lesson for us all:  We all should encourage an open exchange of ideas. Not all wisdom resides on one side of the ideological center.

Educate, don’t manipulate. We in the media, who are in a position to influence others, need to realize that we pay a price when we try to manipulate opinion rather than making all efforts to report fairly. If we actually believe in democracy, we’re not supposed to be kingmakers. We’re supposed to unearth ideas from a wide range of perspectives and present them as fairly as possible so our audience members can make up their own minds.Two clients told me they voted for Trump in part to send a message to the media that it can't manipulate them.

Alas, if the trend continues, rather than the media resuming its rightful place as reporter of information, it will likely just expand its targets: trying to convince red-state voters that additionally redistributing to others is in their interests. That may result in the media’s reputation sinking further. According to a Gallup poll, journalists are already among the least trusted professionals, scoring just 20 out of 100 points, tied with lawyers and just above politicians and car salespeople.

Lesson for us all. Whether we’re a writer, counselor, relative, or lover, we're wise to follow psychologists' core axiom that our job is not mainly to give advice but to fair-mindedly facilitate people coming to their own conclusion.

Genuineness trumps primping.  Hillary Clinton's appearance was perfect, perhaps too perfect. For example, in the debates, when Donald Trump was attacking her, she maintained a perfect smile with raised chin. In contrast, Trump's clear outrage would be shot down by any media consultant. Nonetheless, to many voters, it felt authentic and thus trustworthy.

Lesson for us all: Invoke not an overly primped persona but your best real self.

Empathy, even with your enemy, is required for effective communication. Many people have no positive feelings about Donald Trump. They believe it is hubristic of him to think he is qualified to be president. They think that his treatment of women, even if not current, disqualifies him from being the nation’s role-model in chief. Such people view his intellect as shallow, reducing complex issues to bumper-sticker rhetoric. Until he learned to use a teleprompter, such people viewed his discursive, redundant, self-absorbed, bombastic public speaking skills as undeserving of even a passing grade in a high school class let alone as president of the United Sta But even his detractors might be wise to afford him a bit of empathy. After all, he faces the Herculean challenge of leading a deeply divided America on such thorny issues as jobs, health care, immigration, the national debt, race, terrorism, Russia, China, and the Middle East. That may be tough for anyone to succeed at. Even the apparently uber-confident Trump might privately be afraid he’ll fail, damage the nation, and that his failure will be made even more likely because of his limited political capital even within his own party. As bad, he’ll likely face ongoing assaults from society’s key mind-molders: the colleges and the media. For Trump's advisors, let alone his detractors, to make any headway with him will require them to have some empathy for him, to walk a bit in his shoes.

Lesson for us all: Try to find a basis for empathy, of common ground, even with your enemies. At minimum, that can reduce your anger or pain, plus it can free you to engage in the aforementioned open, constructive conversations. That can benefit both of you and maybe even society.

Written by Marty Nemko Ph.D

Named the San Francisco Bay Area's "Best Career Coach," Marty Nemko has been career and personal coach to 4,500 clients and enjoys a 96% client-satisfaction rate. The author of seven books (250,000 copies sold) including How to Do Life: What They Didn’t Teach You in School (link is external) plus over 2,000(!) published articles, including on Time.com (link is external)where he also writes, Marty Nemko is in his 26th year as host of Work with Marty Nemko on KALW-FM (NPR-San Francisco.) He was the one man in a one-man PBS-TV Pledge Drive Special. Marty Nemko holds a Ph.D. in educational psychology from the University of California, Berkeley and subsequently taught there. He is married to Barbara Nemko, the Napa County Superintendent of Schools.