After being part of the same church community for more than
15 years, my husband and I found ourselves looking for a new church home last
year. During the 30-plus years I’ve been following Jesus, I have been a member
of only three churches. (This has more to do with the fact that I have not
moved outside the region than that I am exceptional human being.)
Because I was part of the leadership in each of these three
churches, I knew at least half of the people in church every Sunday. Prior to
this year, I’ve never had the uncomfortable experience of walking into a
sanctuary, sitting by myself, and then leaving without speaking to anyone.
(Saying “Thank you!” to the person who kicked the tissue box in my direction
after I sneezed multiple times doesn’t count.)
Some visitors, perhaps those who are part of the witness
relocation program (hat tip to Anne Lamott), prefer to slip in and out
unnoticed. That profile probably counts for a small percentage of church
visitors. Until this year, I took for granted how relationships enrich Sunday
morning. Hearing my friend’s laughter when the pastor made a joke, sitting behind
a couple whom my husband and I had in premarital class, and giving hugs to
those who had become dear to me all made me want to get out of bed on Sunday
mornings.
I was primed and eager to find new friendships, or at least
not be invisible. However, week after week, as soon as the benediction was
given, folks scattered and soon became engaged with their friends, leaving
me—and all the others visitors—very much alone.
My experiences are not isolated. One of the top reasons
visitors do not return to a church is that they don’t feel welcome. Many of the
churches we attended over the past year have been friendly—offering cheerful
hellos and smiles—but that won’t convince people to return. As leaders, we need
to intentionally engage with our visitors and go beyond opening the door and
handing them a bulletin.
Treating Sunday morning visitors as we do those who step
over the threshold into our literal homes makes all the difference. Certainly,
none of us would greet someone who just walked in our front door and then turn
and walk away—yet that happens in far too many churches on Sunday morning. The
basics—making eye contact, offering a warm handshake, asking if they need help
finding kids’ ministry—go a long way in easing the anxiety that many of us feel
as we enter an unfamiliar space, but there’s more we can do.
Obviously, not everyone comes to church with the same set of
relational needs. Pay attention to your guests’ behavioral choices. Do they
come in just as the service has started and sit in the last row? They may be
Anne Lamott’s friends and need space. Do they go directly into the fellowship
hall/coffee queue? That’s a great time to casually greet them and ask a few
non-threatening questions. If you are part of a large church, particularly one
with multiple services, try to avoid the potentially awkward “Is this your
first time here?” Someone asked me this in year 11 of our last assignment. Um,
no. But is it yours? (I promise I didn’t say that.)
After the service, being genuinely curious about others will
often lead to engagement and help visitors feel like someone actually cares
that they show up. Try asking non-threatening, non-status questions such as “Do
you have plans to watch the Oscars/Downton Abbey season finale/local sporting
event this afternoon?” or “How do you spend your days?” (versus “What do you do
for work?” which can make some folks feel cornered).
Listen without an agenda and watch their body language. It
will be obvious when they are done. If discernment is not one of your gifts,
watch their eyes. If they search furtively for the exit or can’t stop checking
their handheld, offer a simple “Thanks for coming and hope to see you again.”
There’s no need to pressure them to return next week or check out a small
group. Here’s an important tip: Look for that person next week, if only to say,
“Hi! Good to see you” as you head for a bagel. Continuity raises the
possibility of friendship, which ultimately all of us are hoping for.
To help your leaders and teammates execute this well, you
might consider instituting a five-minute rule. Essentially, both leaders and
regular attenders are discouraged from talking to their friends for five
minutes once the service ends. If you can convince at least 20 percent of your
leaders to buy into this, friendly people on a mission will be searching for
new faces every week. The goal is not to swarm visitors but to avoid what has
happened to me so many times in the past year—no eye contact, no conversation.
Effectively and intentionally welcoming visitors to your
church is really quite simple. View Sunday morning through the eyes of a
newcomer, be willing to guide your leaders, and make gradual adjustments when
needed. It might be as simple as reminding them to warmly and authentically
extend hospitality. I’m convinced that if we mean it when we say, “I’m glad you
came. I hope to see you again,” chances are, we will.
Written by Dorothy Littell Greco
Dorothy Littell Greco spends her days writing about faith,
encouraging others as they pursue Jesus, making photographs of beautiful
things, and trying to love her family well. You can find more of her Words
& Images @dorothygreco.com or follow her on Facebook:
www.facebook.com/DorothyGrecoPhotography.
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