Circumstances can certainly make life unhappy. But a part – often a
big part – of unhappiness comes from our own thinking, behavior and
habits.
In this article I’d like to share 7 of the most destructive daily
habits that can create quite a bit of unhappiness within and in your own
little world.
But I’ll also share what has worked, what has helped me to minimize or overcome these habits in my life.
1. Aiming for perfection.
Does life has to be perfect before you are happy?
Do you have to behave in a perfect way and get perfect results to be happy?
Then happiness will not be easy to find. Setting the bar for your
performance at an inhuman level usually leads to low self-esteem and
feeling like you are not good enough even though you may have had a lot
of good or excellent results. You and what you do is never enough good
enough except maybe once in a while when feels like something goes just
perfect.
How to overcome this habit:
Realize what it costs you when you buy into myths of perfection. This
was a very powerful reason for me to let go of perfectionism and one I
tell myself still if I find thoughts of perfection pop up in my mind. By
watching too many movies, listening to too many songs and just taking
in what the world is telling you it is very easy to be lulled into
dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and wonderful and you want it.
But in real life it clashes with reality and tends to cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people around you.
2. Living in a sea of negative voices.
No one is an island. Who we socialize with, what we read, watch and listen to has big effect on how we feel and think.
It becomes a lot harder to be happier if you let yourself be dragged
down by negative voices. Voices that tell you that life will in large
part always be unhappy, dangerous and filled with fear and limits.
Voices that watch life from a negative perspective.
How to overcome this habit:
Replacing those negative voices with more positive influences is very powerful. It can be like a whole new world opening up.
So spend more time with positive people, inspiring music and books,
movies and TV-shows that make you laugh and think about life in a new
way.
3. Getting stuck in the past and future too much.
Spending much of your time in the past and reliving old painful
memories, conflicts, missed opportunities and so on can hurt whole lot.
Spending much of your time in the future and imagining how things could
go wrong at work, in your relationships and with your health can build
into horrifying nightmare scenarios playing over and over in your head.
Not being here right now in life as it happens can lead to missing out
on a lot of wonderful experiences.
No good if you want to be happier.
How to overcome this habit:
It is pretty much impossible to not think about the past or the
future. And it is of course important to plan for tomorrow and next year
and to try to learn from your past.
But to dwell on those things rarely help.
So I try as best as I can to spend the rest of my time, the big part
of my time each day, with living in the now. Just being here right now
and being fully focused on these words I am writing and later as I cook
and eat my lunch and work out be fully focused on doing that.
4. Comparing yourself and your life to others and their lives.
One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare
your life and yourself to other people and their lives. You compare
cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and
so on. And at the end of the day you pummel your self-esteem to the
ground and you create a lot of negative feelings.
How to overcome this habit:
First, instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of
comparing yourself to yourself. See how much you have grown, what you
have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. This
habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness
towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you
have overcome and the good stuff you have done.
5. Over complicating life.
Life can be pretty complicated. This can creates stress and
unhappiness. But much of this is often created by us. Yes, the world may
be becoming more complex but that doesn’t mean that we cannot create
new habits that make your own lives a bit simpler.
How to overcome this habit:
Over complicating life can involve many habits but I’d like to suggest
a few replacement habits to what have been a couple of my own most
over complicating habits.
- Splitting your focus and having your attention all over the place in everyday life. I
replaced that complicating habit with just doing one thing at a time
during my day, having a small to-do list with 2-3 very important items
and writing down my most important goal on white board that I see each
day.
Written by
Henrik Edberg
