How To Stop Being So Afraid

                    

To me, being "rich" is not about money. It's about living with less fear.

Now let me explain. We all have fear. If we didn't feel fear, we wouldn't be alive. But there's a big difference between having fear and being driven by your fears. Most people are driven by their fears, leading them to make (or avoid making) particular decisions that pull them down a dark, sticky dead-end road.

Most of my life, I rode shotgun while my fear sat behind the wheel, steering me through life. I had fear of poverty. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of abandonment. My relationship with my fear caused me to be a beta version of myself. I maneuvered at a very low frequency and, as a result, learned that people don't really want to be around that. My feet were not planted in a particular stance. So I pretended. I scrambled. I let my fear inflate my insecurity and anxiety. 

Part One:

You will always have fears, but when you get to a place where you are no longer driven by them, something magical happens. You become rich. You are in touch with your value. You feel powerful. Alive. Worthy.

Anxiety lessens and potential increases, which means the chances of you also gaining financial traction increases as well as things fall into place. You become very potent.

Are you driven by your fears? Are they stopping you from doing what you want or being who you want to be? The first step is owning your fears and then identifying them. Then, of course, the question becomes, "How do I get rid of these fears?"

Well, for starters, here are three tips to no longer be driven by fear.

1. Notice your fears.

Everything starts with awareness. Think about all the fears that are stopping you from being happy. Just observe them. This process is actually incredibly freeing.

Once you do that, recognize that your fears, despite seeming very powerful, are not concrete walls. They can be dismantled and are less powerful than you think ...

2. Admit that you are afraid of particular things.

Many people know what they are afraid of, but won't admit it, especially to themselves. This resistance will only give the fear more power. Denial means you're running instead of facing. Only when you admit what you are afraid of can you start dissolving your fears.

3. Decide you're sick of fear.

Many therapists will try to encourage you to explore where your fears are coming from. It's true: they started somewhere, depending on your story. Often, they will ask questions intended to help you follow the fear all the way to its roots as a way to process it. Indeed, there is a therapeutic process to overcoming your fears which requires this kind of coaching.

But you know what? At some point, you just have to make a choice to not be afraid anymore. At some point you have to decide to enter the arena. Yes, you can actually choose to be less afraid. No, this doesn't mean your fear is just going to go away. But it will move the ball. It will create a shift. Examine where your fears are taking you in your life and make a decision, now, to no longer allow those fears to drive your life. 

Part Two:

 Yes, today I still worry and stress and have fears. But I can honestly say I am no longer driven by them. And the results I see in my life by keeping fear from driving my decisions is the traction I need to continue growing stronger and more fearless.

I am also not afraid of anyone, and I'm not saying in an arrogant way or that I'm better than anyone or physically stronger (because I'll be the first one to tell you I can't fight). I mean that I don't depend on other people to make me happy or make me feel valuable. Years ago, I truly thought others held the power to my happiness, a belief system that was born out of fear.

A lot of times, we're afraid of people because we want something from them or expect from them that we may not get, especially when it comes to relationships. That's why I developed my video course How To Attract Your Soul Mate & Discover Your Life's Purpose to share what I've learned in my experience as a therapist about how letting go of fears allows us to tap into our power, and radiate inner strength and charismatic energy to the rest of the world. It is that energy that attracts others, not fearfully searching for another person to "complete" you.

If you don't want anything from others other than an organic authentic connection, there's really nothing to be afraid of. Think about all the people in your life and who has power over you. Then ask yourself why this may be. It's usually because you care what they think, or because you believe they have the power to take something away from you. But really, no one can take away your truth (except for you).

So what's the fastest way to reposition your life? Not allowing yourself to be driven by your fears. Not being afraid of people because you want something from them.

When you are no longer afraid, you are completely free. If you want to be rich, stop playing the lottery and start working toward being be less afraid. 

Written by John Kim

John Kim, LMFT, is a published writer, speaker, life coach, and a co-founder of SHFT. Known as "The Angry Therapist", he has been featured on and worked with Mindbodygreen, NPR, The Atlantic, and Air Bnb.